Holy Cow!

Wooo, aren't you a sexy one, giving me the eye...!


WHEN is an insult a compliment?

I love all things bovine, cows twice as much as bulls. I adore them, dote on them, take delight in them, have a soft spot for them. I would have made a good cowherd's wife or a cowboy's delightful companion.

Now, if for some reason someone swears at me by saying "you mean stupid old cow!", I'll consider it a compliment (taking offence only at the word 'mean' because I am not) and shall thank the person profusely for calling me old (I love my age). Old cow? Oh.. thank you once again, you are soo kind!

I'll even let pass the word 'stupid' because 'cow' is mentioned in the same breath and these lumbering bovines, as we all know, definitely aren't the brightest creatures on earth.

If you live in the East Coast, you will know exactly what I mean. Lembu Pantai Timur have the tendency to park themselves in the middle of the road, with nary a care about on-going traffic.

They won't budge even if you honk. Instead, they will look at you balefully while chewing their cud, making you feel like a halfwit for honking.

While cows are beautiful to look at, cowdung are not, although they (the dung, not the cows) are useful as manure and cooking fuel. To my mind, a cow is like a beautiful but brainless woman; nice to look at, but don't expect too much out of both.

I am mesmerised by cows. They have the most gorgeous eyes and when they flutter their lashes, I am transported to Cow Heaven. Their moo, low and seductive, is moosic to my ears.

And the rump of a cow is simply provocative. There is no other word to describe it - just sexy. When a cow ambles (cows don't walk, they amble sensuously), their rump sway this way and that, leaving me spellbound.

If ever I have a cow, I shall name it Daisy. Daisy is the perfect cow name. Once upon a time,I did consider keeping a cow instead of buying a lawn-mover. Then I thought about the dung...

Anyway, my youngest daughter Nawwar, is known within the family as Mak's Moo. That is the highest compliment ever bestowed upon any woman by Ma Cow. She's a lucky one, that Moo!

PS : We have a bull in the house (that's because we don't own a china shop!) We call him Pak Abu (Ma Cow thinks, all things considered, Abu The Bull is sexy too. I am fishing for compliment, Bu(ll). ("Ma, dicowlah ratu hati ku" would definitely make my day)

Here are some cow jokes to brighten up your day:-

1. Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

2. A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

3. What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia

4. Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

5. What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

6. What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
"It's just an udder day"

7. How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

8. Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

9. Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows

10. What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat

11. What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

12. What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Decalfenated

13. Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit? They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!


Have a 'Cow'abunga Day!