Monday, November 10, 2008

Cringe Moments

Kak Teh has tagged me for "Cringe Moments" so I have no choice but to oblige. After all, I do have the tendency to embarrass myself at the most unlikely moments.

On a couple of occasions the bottom half of my baju kurung developed a mind of its own and slid down to my knees; once as I stepped out of a car and the second time while walking. Luckily I managed to grab the sarong both times, halfway before it settled into a neat pile at my feet.

One time too many, I had risen from sujud (prayer prostration) only to find myself underneath the voluminous telekung (prayer garb) of another woman praying in front of me, almost kissing her arse, literally!

And then there were all those "accidental farts" in public places, sudden gusts of loud, explosive wind where you had expected a dainty, barely audible 'peet' safely concealed within your butt crack...

Here are six more that I can comfortably recall. Quite a few I can't write for the sheer embarrassment of it all .......

Cringe Moment One

Press Ball 1973 saw me, age 19, on the stage singing my heart out to the media crowd, accompanied by the NST band. I was togged in a brand new dress - a black, hand painted kaftan with a beautiful bold floral motif, purchased that very same morning.

[NB: Those days kaftan was an acceptable attire for formal functions, unlike today when it is relegated to house coat status and renamed 'baju kelawar']

There were hoots of catcalls, not to mention howls of laughter as well as audible gasps from the floor. I felt so proud as I strutted my stuff on the stage thinking "Wah! I must be damn good, man! They like my singing so much!"

It was only after I finished singing and went backstage that someone pointed out the root of the all the hoots. Apparently, my black kaftan was so sheer that nothing was left to imagination.

I was told, my only saving grace as I stood up there on the stage in full glare of the spotlight was that I had my undies on...(GASP!)

Cringe Moment Two

I was newly divorced and was sharing a house with a fellow lady journalist in Bangsar. The single storey terrace house was conveniently within walking distance from the NST office.

I was so late for work one morning that after getting dressed, I hurriedly grabbed my jacket hanging behind the door, draped it on my arms and walked to the office.

I arrived at my workstation in Balai Berita and was about to toss the jacket onto the back of my chair when a colleague took one look and asked: "Why are you carrying your pants to work?".

I had accidentally grabbed my trousers instead of a jacket. Small wonder people were giving me strange looks as I walked by!

Cringe Moment Three

Those reporting days, my standard dressing was a blouse and a knee-length skirt. I had a preference for flouncy floral skirts teamed with plain-coloured tops.

I went into a hotel washroom during an assignment once, after which I walked down to the main road to take a minibus back to the office. There were a lot of interested stares so I added an extra wriggle to my walk. You know, just to make their day.

As I stepped onto a minibus, a woman closed in on me and said: "Dik, skirt you terangkat, tersangkut kat panties. Nanti saya tolong tarik." (Sis, your skirt is hitched to your panties. Let me help you adjust it).

Thank God my skirt was of decent length, so my modesty was covered (slightly). Still, the thought of purposely wriggling my half exposed butts to all the mamats at the bus stop, for its entertainment value, suddenly made me feel so darn cheap.

Cringe Moment Four

To my utter frustration, I have never been able to drive manual cars despite many tries. I get confused easily with gear-change. My mind simply refuses to register anything to do with those gear slots. In the end my driving is limited only to cars with automatic gear.

Once, during one of the sporadic lessons given by my son Joe on how to use the manual gear, I accidentally stepped on the gas, sending the car careening off-course.

I was so startled that I screeched hysterically:"Fear the gree! Fear the gree!" to Joe who was seated beside me. His response was a confused "Huh??" I calmed down enough to ask him to free the gear.

Cringe Moment Five

Pak Abu and I went on a lunch date, at a well-known food stall called Wak Daeng in Subang Jaya, a month before we got married. I was at my most demure self - dressed to the hilt in pink baju kurung and heels, walking primly beside him trying to impress the man.

After lunch I bought a packet of bubur kacang to take home. As I melenggang away on the kerb, I missed the edge of the pavement, causing the heel of my shoe to suddenly give way.

I tumbled ungraciously face down onto the road, legs askew, spilling bubur kacang all over. Pak Abu, supressing his mirth, helped me up and pretended as though it was 'nothing'. I think he was exploding inside.

Cringe Moment Six

1967, Remove Class, Dungun English Secondary School. I had just made friends with some Chinese classmates who, upon knowing my interest in Teresa Teng's songs, started teaching me the lyrics. Along the way they also taught me bits of Mandarin.

One day one of the girls told me to practise my Mandarin phrase by saying it out loud to the most 'apia' fellow in class. I was to say "Hello, how are you?" and he would answer accordingly.

So armed with the phrase they had taught me, I approached the chap and said hopefully; "Wo ter ai ren?". The startled fellow looked at me blankly, and then said thoughtfully,"Leally aaaa..!"

wo ter ai ren - you are my sweetheart








45 comments:

Kak Teh said...

hahaha! I knew you;d have cringe moments and many more!

I had an incident with clothes. You know what it is like coming home after a whole day in tights. I couldnt get out of the tights fast enough...together with the trousers.
Next day, I wore the same trousers as it was a maternity one - and i only had a few. I walked up and down Queensway and quite a few people staring at me. I thought, gosh at 6 months pregnant people still looked at me. Then I realised; I had pair of tights that i wore the day before...tailing behind me.

aaah, fear the gree....hahahah!

drbubbles said...

fear the gree!Hehehe....you and kakteh sama species!

Iron Butterfly said...

OMG!!!!

Auntie, your storytelling never fail to make my day and make me laugh!!

I admire you for having vivid memories of those and can narrate the story with so much colours!!

Iron tunggu lagi 10 tahun pon takleh nak write cam nih. huehue..

Iron Butterfly said...

p/s : my colleague used to ask for 'grapeless seed' when she actually wanted "seedless grape". hehe.

m00n said...

hahahahahahahahahaha ... fit face!!

Pp said...

:-)

so funnylah all ur cringe moments!!
errrr....i am cringing just reading about a couple of urs.....
which ones? hehehehe
my secret!

oleh kerana saya ni jenis selamba hentam keromo jer....memang banyak lah cringe momentsnya...hehehe.

mekyam said...

hahaha!

omg i'm choking...

fear the gree... fear the gree... frease...

[wiping tears]

can't think of a nicer way to "suffer" monday.

thank you kt and puteri!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Kak Teh - the longer I sit depan laptop ni, the more truly embarassing moments I can recall. I think we both were made to entertain ppl kot with our gopoh ways.

Bubs - it aways happens that way; the brain and the mouth taknak cooperate. tu la jadinya! anyway, we were former students of both Mr Spooner and Mrs Malaprop.

IB - It's nice to be able to make ppl laugh :)

Moon - fit your face also la, kena londeh seluar by Beatrice! nasib baik pakai spender..

PP - ini yg nak dengar ni PP, orang jenis mcm you ni (as you readily admit) sah banyak interesting mishaps..

Mekyam - alaahai mekyam.. bergegar dunia pagi2.. "It feels good, to make you cryy.. (ala2 James Brown)...:)

mamasita said...

Both you and KT have made anybody's cringe moments not so embarassing afterall..to think I deleted my cringe moments sampai cant remember them anymore because it must have been so yeow!
So everybody?Its okay to have your 'cringe moments'.We do not have to feel so 'Mr.Bean' about them.
KT and Puteri have cheered us up and 'cured' us!Puteri punya nampak lebih teruk daripada KT at times!Hahaha.

Ummi365 said...

kak kama, help me please, help me.. i am short of breath for laughing to much... this time for real, i memang giggle sorang2 depan pc and my ofis neighbor siap tenung lagi.. nasib baik tak jatuh kerusi.

en_me said...

gitewww yerr.. salammmz

Kak Teh said...

puteri, I suggest that when I go back we do a double act of Pn spoonersima and Pn Malapropa.

You havent heard my malaprops =
did you know that I listen to songs on the MPV and take the children sightseeing in the MP3?

When I had asthma, I asked my son to give me the astroid.
enuff - am going to bed.

Pi Bani said...

Muahahaha! I kat office ni, supposed to be working tapi end up menahan nak gelak. Tak boleh nak gelak kuat-kuat, nanti staff ingat I dah biol... terpaksa pulak include one more story for my own cringe moments nanti.

Ni masih dalam pertapaan nak recall those "I'd rather not remember" moments for I too have been tagged by Kak Teh.

Ridzzy said...

Salam Ma'am

This is hilarious! Thanks for making me smile. Now I want to read your earlier postings. Blog hopping can be fun .. :P

PS - If its ok with you, I would like to put a link to your blog in mine. May I?

Wani said...

adus akak... sakit perut saya gelak, my daughter infront of me look like huh?? apa mama ni gelak sampai meleleh air mata!!?? fear the gree!!!

MrsNordin said...

Kelakar! You sure have many of those funny moments! I'm thinking, if I've had any...

Queen Of The House said...

Haa haahaaaa .... I can imagine how loud your "Fear the gree!!" was. Kalau ada bystander mesti ingat you were frightened into stupor by the "gree", whatever it was, sebab tu sampai terbabas kereta.

And it looks like you and Kak Teh are made for wardrobe malfunctions, hehehe. Now I think my cringe moments are not so bad after all!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Mamasita - we seem to hv the knack of providing impromptu entertainment to ppl.

Ummi - hehehe, laughter is good medicine!

En Me - Wassalaam.. tq for dropping by. datanglah lagi! lain kali bawak ler biskut kering ker apa ker kalau datang bertandang! LOL

Kak Teh - kira dasyat la u Kak teh, kena asthma makan astroid! which planet are you from kak teh oiii..!

Pi - you dun simply laff laff arr. it's your turn next! hehehe

Ridzzy - Wassalaam dear. tq for visiting. plse link, with pleasure. btw ridzzy, eeeeee.. those snakes geli laaa!

Wani - sakit perut? makanlah eno fruit salt! :)

Mrs N - you must hv your cringe moments too. habaq mai nak dengaq!

QOTH - until today my children cant help laughing helplessly bila bukak cerita this fear the gree.. story

Kak Teh said...

puteri, which planet? It is either Menus or Vars, tak tau yang mana. My son kata no wonder I swoosh around a lot. MY children are very familiar with my trip of the tongue.

Kak Teh said...

oh, what I meant to add was, I will miss you when you know what..... :(

Ms B said...

Kak Puteri,

U & Kak Teh must come from the same planet. *lol* I have this feeling that I might have more cringe moments as the "cringeness" might jump from KT to me each time we bump into each other. *rotfl*

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Mrs B - that tongue of hers is taking a trip to Vars, probably looking for astroid to cure her asthma..LOL

Kak Teh - are you back on ferra tirma or still floating on cnoud line??

Kak Teh said...

Puteri, It is one of those days, I am heither near hor there.

so restless, nak keluark sejuk!

wanshana said...

I was reading this posting of yours in my room, in my telekung waiting for Isya' in front of my daughter, and was trying very hard not too laugh out loud, and I could feel my face turning very red, and I just couldn't breathe - worried that the moment I inhale or exhale I would just crack up (and some "wind" might just escape from those cracks between my butt and batal wudhu' I!)

But, your "Fear the gree! Fear the gree!!" really did it lah - I ended up rolling on the bed, sambil keluar air mata tergelak!

And my daughter was like, "Huh?! What the?!"

Anonymous said...

so lambat mengomen today..

Kak kama everybody pun ada cringe moments..

selalunya lagi kita nak maintain macho..lagi lah loklaq jadinyer..

thank you for sharing..tergelak gelak i ngan husband...wow..nampak spender ler..mesti kalau i ada pun ..sampai ternga nganga molot..

i yang paling memaluskan..masa pakai baju koyak kat ketiak..dah lah kita nak control macho..me blind date lak kontrol tak nak gelak....tu dia punya nalar besar..baju koyak kat ketiak..balik teghuih..tak jadi nak tengok wayang....

terus memblind kan diri from that guy..

he he he...

Oldstock said...

Couldn't help but smile at your Cringe moment 5. Probably was what that made Pak Abu decide that he'd better marry you soonest :-)

And you probably made that `apia' feel so happy for the rest of the day!

Doug P. Baker said...

Oh, these are delightful! And number 2! We have all had nightmares about doing that, but you actually did it?!? Oh, I would have died on the spot!

kay_leeda said...

Kak Puteri,

LOL!! I like the skirt caught in the panties one. Can almost imagine it...If it had been me, ayoo...MC kot hari tu dah.

Let's see it I can list down mine too, now that Kak teh has tagged me as well. Tungguuuuu...

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Kak Teh - Now, where's that AG when his cold, shivering wife needs him? hehehe

Shana - I know the feeling, trying to surpress one's laughter for fear of batal wudhu'. Waddaheck, laugh and fart away.. then go take yr ablution all over again..LOL

Anon 8:33 - better late than never :)

Oldstock - the poor man didn't realise what a klutz i was..hehehe

Doug - hiya there! you've travelled far, my friend. tq for dropping by. btw, the poems in yr blog are simply beautiful..rest assured i'll be back..

Kama At-Tarawis said...

erkk... typo.. suppress.. (buat malu kaum aja eja salah..:))

Anonymous said...

Kak Puteri....

Ur "fear the gree" really got me....

reminded me of a friend in UK who came to visit our house when we were students... as he entered the house, the commented, "Wah! ur ruang tami so big " we were already on the floor before he realised it.

Thanks for sharing all those embarassing moments with us...

Aida - had her share of moments too

Queen Of The House said...

I'm a glutton for punishment. I came here again, read your entry again, and gelak guling-guling again this morning! Ada lagi tak?

Kak Teh said...

hey puteri, so you've got the I am a MakCik Blogger pix!! I wanted to give it to you tapi takut you perasan you bukan mak cik , ! hahaha! goood, goood! My son did it for me and i distributed to those who qualify as mak ciks.

Queen Of The House said...

Tumpang lalu ... Kak Teh, I want one that says "Auntie blogger" ... Hahaha ni perasan bukan makcik lah :P

Kama At-Tarawis said...

kak teh - ooo, so your son did it? elok sangat. I colpy from someone's blog, entah sapa i lupa.. i love my makcikness, kak teh..hehehe

Kama At-Tarawis said...

IB - your grapeless seed for seedless grape could very well be greedless sade in our hand..

Kama At-Tarawis said...

QOTH - nanti lah, I tengo=ah bukak khazanah memory korek2 kalau ada lagi. trouble is, yg i ingat too memalukan and too gross to see the light of day!

saja cari pasal said...

My cringe moment.
After failing the first few ijab and qabuls I messed it up further with "Aku trima akan nikahnya Yunus Bt Salwa dengan mas kawin seratus ringgit tunai."

n.i. said...

Kak puteri,
u had me at "fear the gree"!

i was laughing like mad when suddenly my collegue knocked on the door "apa gelak sorang2 depan komputer ni?"

btw, the same with kak teh, i was a silent reader and the silence has been broken!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

SCP - hahahaha..u menikah dengan bapaknye?? LOL

n.i - mana aci observe silently. participation is encouraged ..the more the merrier :)

Kak Teh said...

Puteri, masa malaysia tengah gila Rosalinda tu, ada orang masuk meminang anak dara nama Roslina, tapi dia minta tangan Rosalinda.
aduiiih, nampaknya cringe moments ni tak akan ada kesudahan.

m00n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
m00n said...

And!!!! with all these cringesSSsss you forget to wish me hepi birdday ... 'sob' .. 'sob' .. not what!! :'(

m00n said...

akak )))) (sorer sengau) mengaper i tak boleh masuk ke blog ini? terteaforsea.blogspot.com

Desert Rose said...

Mua ha ha ha (gelak selama setengah jam)

I think I can be u & kak Teh protege coz I have my own collections of adengan 'membodohkan' diri mcm tuh and some even similar to u (tu yg rasa nak gelak lagi 3 tahun coz actually gelak kat diri sendiri gak).
For instance, pants terkoyak kat bhg b*** & this one mamat tersipu2 kat sebelah agaknya contemplating nak cakap ke tak whereas I thot dia nak ayat I ha ha. Ras anak nangis taw.

And kain baju kurung yg tetiba tertanggal pinya and alarmingly nak tertanggal all way thru, ha ha and it took place in the court room out of all places in d world while I was waiting for my file to be called. Luckily managed to pass a note to stand down to the interpreter while I rushed to d rest room and end up tying my kain with the tali yg ikat file tuh wa ha ha ha. But there was no other way to make it proper but to tie it in a way that it was senget sebelah....imagine