Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Sight To Remember

1975, Soho. I can lay claim to having watched a striptease show. Just once. A real, professional striptease show, in a real, legal striptease joint. I came, I saw, I almost retched (hang on, you'll know why in due course) and I have not seen one since.

[No dear, it's alright. You go ahead and take those Malaysian guests and colleagues of yours. I know all of you are itching to see those Caucasian mounds of Venus. If you don't mind, I'll stay home and mind the baby, and perhaps have a chat with good old Mrs Wilkner].

We had been in London all of three months and were staying in Golders Green, in a bedsit owned by an extremely stingy Pakistani couple, who would switch off the central heating at 8.00 every evening, causing us to shiver by the coin-fed, two-bar heater before sleep hit us. (It didn't take us long to find alternative accommodation).

With the benefit of hindsight, I think that visit to a striptease joint was also meant to be an initiation of some kind for me, then 20 years old and still pretty naive. Needless to say, the other half, at 27, was worldly enough (not sure about wise, but definitely worldly), having spent a good many years of his schooling life abroad.

['You are all grown and in good old London, girl! But you haven't 'arrived' until you have seen and learned the time-honoured way of undressing yourself. Treat this as one of life's lessons. You'll enjoy it'. Yeah, right!].

We were in the company of some guests from home, hot-blooded young men who had just arrived in the UK and raring to have a good time. The only female in the group, I wasn't feeling too comfortable - the hick in me was rearing its bucolic head - but as the wife of the host I had to oblige.

We trooped, self-consciously, into a decent-sized hall with a T-shaped catwalk smack in the middle. Tables and chairs were arranged alongside the elongated stage. We were booked at a premier spot, right at the head of the stage, "to capture the full essence of the show" said the host convincingly.

The lights dimmed, the music played and the show began. Out they came one by one - women with incredibly voluptuous bodies and even more incredible humongous breasts - sashaying down the catwalk in various states of undress.

The guys looked shell-shocked; eyes popping out of their sockets, mouths agape, tongues licking their lips, salivating, and these hotties had not even yanked off their panties yet!

I remember feeling thoughtful, cupping my chin, Rodin-like. Actually I was thinking of those boobs. God help me, they were enormous! They needed to be properly anchored so as not to topple their owners. And they could easily suffocate a man. Then again, any guy who perished due to breast suffocation would probably die happy.

As I sat there, mind racing, the girls came and went in quick succession. All seemed to be overdressed at the top but remained in teeny weeny patch masquerading as panties at the bottom. And of course they flung bits and pieces of clothing as they whirled and swayed to the music.

In due time, down the catwalk sashayed a dancer in "Arabian Night" outfit (you know the belly-dancing kind, with billowing pants and fitting top and that harem-like face cover). Discarding each piece of clothing as she swayed down the catwalk, she slipped off her panties as soon as she reached our group. Suddenly, she put her leg up on my shoulder and there it rested for a good one minute!

I had a good lesson in anatomy that day. That spring day in London I learned two things; one - an anatomical part so coveted by the male specie could look hideous and unsightly (from any angle!) and two - some things are better left hidden from public view to increase their mystique. It was terribly hard to live down the experience. What else can you say when you have looked at 'it' in the 'eye'? The mind boggles. No word is ever adequate enough to describe both the sight and the experience.....

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh man! I beat Kak Teh to this.

Kak Teh said...

hahaha - kak teh is right here!

Slow sikit baca.

anyway, my take on Soho..all these 29years here, I have never been inside. Kat luar saja. One summer, my mother was here, we were at the market place. Soho in the daytime is quite respectable - then dah sampai waktu - nak solat. Surau soho di kelilingi kedai seks! Tak tahu nak pandang kat mana.

anyway, Puteri, I wont mention names, but some of our male ex colleagues went there and they were lured into one of the clubs. Then came out £300 poorer all because a hostess sat down and chitchatted with them.

alaaaah, anon! tak aci laaa!

Ms B said...

kak puteri,

Oh my! I am missing big time. Been here for a few years and yet to discover the "real" London. I am hoping that Kak Teh will bring me to these places (err, do they hv one with male strippers????) *lol*

Kak Teh said...

hahaha - puteri, it just occured to me..this posting is a mukadimmah to the one that you will writing later, right?

Ms B, kak teh pun tak pernah masuk. But soho now is already sanitised. Tak macam dulu. Pergi siang2 beli sayur and ikan sajalah.

mamasita said...

Puteri?Whenever I look at your photo,and the one you showed masa you and Pak Abu lunch on your birthday,I never can believe this warak looking lady even went through such an 'experience'!My goodness!Grotesque betul!And kelakarnya!hahahahaha

Pi Bani said...

That was quite a lesson on anatomy wasn't it? Am trying to imagine the look on your face when you saw 'it' in the eye...

Kama At-Tarawis said...

anon 8:21 - Feels good, eh! :)

Kak Teh - Those days Soho reeked of sex 24/7. I even tried the peepshow once. Berpinar bijik mata!

Ms B - Rugi la you never step foot inside Soho's stripjoint. I had a secret wish dulu to see a male striptease, tapi takut..LOL

Mamasita - hehehehe..the world is like a roda ekk.. dulu perangai siot now much better (I think!)..LOl

Kak Teh said...

puteri, i tak pernah pergi kat soho - tapi yang amsterdam tu pernah. Aiyoooo!!!!! Ya, a real lesson in human anatomy and what other body functions that we are not aware of.
enuff said.

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Pi - just imagine mulut I terlopong with a perfect "O" and you cant be far wrong.

Kak Teh - The Venustempel sex museum in Amsterdam tu can make you sick with an overdose of all things sexual that you sometimes feel like abstaining from sex forever.

Ms B said...

I better write down that museum's name and check it out the next time I go to amsterdam *lol*. *in her own thoughts, mana nak cari male striptease shows?*

KT, ha ah. I know. day time soho is very presentable.

Oldstock said...

Hi Kama,

There's nothing like actually experiencing it first hand, right?

If Kak Teh says that the present day Soho is now prim and proper, those guys (and gals) must've moved to somewhere else.

Agak-agak kat mana ye? ;-)

Queen Of The House said...

Aiyo! Suey sepuluh hari rasanya kalau I have to look at "it" in the eye like that. Sepet mata kalau tak pun. How did you survive that one minute? I have never had the opportunity, or rather I don't think I have the guts to go see something like that (not that I am such a goody-two-shoes la) but there are things you can stomach and some you can't. Had a peep at Patpong in Bangkok - "tiger show" is a different breed ka? Lariiiiii! Tak berani I!

Just me...Naz said...

Mandi bunga! mandi bunga! or as one of my friends said *mandi air tujuh longkang*!!
The one in Amsterdam, i dah ter-pergi..haha! I said *terpergi* because I arrived in the city very late one night and was escorted by the police through the red light district. It was first class service, i got a bodyguard, a porter and a tour guide...all in one!

Salt N Turmeric said...

hahahah. I cant imagine the look on your face. I went to the one in Perth but thank god takdelah sampai dpt anatomy lesson. But the girls memang buruk gila, i tell you!

Then in NZ my fren took me to the chippendale show. I yg young and solo masa tu malu2 jugak. yelah 1st time (and only time) tengok chippendale but the nenek2 omputeh selamba aje tarik2 and raba2 those guys. Phening saya!

Anonymous said...

Komen Pak Malim, kucing ray yg alim.

Actually pompuan tetek besar memang distracting, tak kira samada yg melihatnya lelaki atau perempuan, kata Pak Malim sambil berjumpa pakar sakit puan. Samada mereka berjalan, berdiri atau bercakap, tumpuan mata kita masih ke arah 'itu', samada sengaja atau tidak, kata Pak Malim sambil memegang ikan todak. Ooooh, tapi saya takde tetek, kata Pak Malim sambil memeluk Hantu Tetek.

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Ms B - hahaha, simpan jangan tak simpan! dan kalau pi tengok male strippers tu, sedekahla pound sterling sepuluh dua on my behalf..:)

Oldstock - I heard they are still there.. malam only.. tapi siang dah sanitised kata Kak Teh. Dulu we could even see streetwalkers there..

QOTH - yg di Bngkok tu terer betul Q, buleh tembak belon, bukak botol..eeeee.. I never thought "benda tu" very versatile!

Naz - suey dia 7 hari 7 malam! in any case, this sort of thing is always a good experience. I'd rather experience it myself than dengr cakap orang .. at least kita pernah tengok and tahu..

Farina - given half the chance, i'd raba jugak kot...hahahahaha.. AMPUNNNN PAK ABUU!!!

Amboi pak malim kucing yang pura2 alim!
sebut saja "itu" teruih berguling2
agaknya terbayang2 buah 'betik"
sampai tak sedar peluk hantu tetek!

Astagaaa! hapus pahala solat..LOL

Anonymous said...

ROTFLOL

Kak Puteri,

My guess is that the stripper did it to gauge ur reaction... to see if u can handle it or not. But still the nerve... to put her leg on ur shoulder...

If that was me, I would have dropped to the floor ad started laughing... that's how I'd react in situations I would be uncomfortable in.

Ohhhh I cannot wait if what Kak Teh says its true (there's more to come)

Aida - has her head stuck in a book right now.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to add, but I rather be reading ur stories.

Aida.

kay_leeda said...

Kak Puteri,

After what I've been going through the last two days...woo, this one is really good stuff!! So that ONE minute, rasa panjang tak?? Heh..heh..

I saw the one in Bangla Road in Phuket...urgghhh..."they" can perform stunts. Versatile they are.

Like Ms B, I'm taking notes of the names of places too. Asian & omputih nyer sure a world of difference kan LOL!!!

MrsNordin said...

Hee... hee... it must be sheer torture for you to witness it first hand! Tidaaaaaaak!!!

I've seen a strip show in Bangkok with MrNordin when were still dating. Jelak! That's the only word to describe it. The same with Amsterdam. I got sick with an overdose of sex there.

But I think, what Pak Malim said is true. Big boobs ARE distracting. My husband can concur with him on that coz he adores Sharifah Aini!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Aida = I had this sneaky feeling that was the reason. bagitu punya ramai jantan meleleh ayaq lioq, bahu kita disondolnya dengan kaki dia.. Phew! lucky I didn't catch a whiff of "au de pepet"...LOL

Kay - seminit rasa macam a lifetime eh..! Tapi sempatlah jugak I "mengamati" kesenian anatomi dalaman wanita..hahahahaha

Mrs N - too much of a good thing can be detrimental to health..hehehe..

Kama At-Tarawis said...

eh.. come to think of it..eau de pepet ni brand baguih.. marketable.. macam bau2an asli..one sniff and men sure terangkat! hahahaha..

Help me Kak Teh! I dah berjangkit yr merapu penyakit!

Anonymous said...

ya allah..

ya tuhan..

kak..saya baca 3 kali round kak..

masih lagi..

ya allah

ya tuhan..

Kak Teh said...

Puteri, kak teh is here. But you certainly dont need any help in the merapu section.
I like the eau de ehem ehem... suggestion. It is so earthy, mother nature kind of thing.

Puteri, I think you need to exorcise ll these things in your blog before the JOURNEY. So, we have a few more days of your merapuing...go on girl! I am here to back you up.

m00n said...

Hahaha (tabaik gelak kekuat sangat)

..'eau de pepet' ni brand baguih...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... (deraih skit .. takleh control)

kay_leeda said...

Ohh.. "eau de pepet", this is really getting good!!! Dah nak jatuh kerusi dah ni LOL.

Zawi said...

Kama,
I have an experience to share too.
I was in Thailand and had nothing much to do on one of the nights there. A hotel boy told me there was a tiger show in one of the joints near to the hotel where I was staying.
The patrons were served iced drink with the waiter scooping the ice from the bucket with his bare hand before the show started. There were some Malaysian girls to see the show too. They shrieked when the show started. The same waiter who had served them drinks used the same hand to stroke the tigress' private part to prepare her for his act. He was the tiger.

Kama At-Tarawis said...

hahahahaha pok zawi!!! eeeee, gelinyerrr!!!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

anon - hehehehe... ampun ya anon!

kak teh - ni sitting down comfortably nak craft satu posting yg sombre dan sober.. tapi dok teringat wangi2an baru ni.. dok gelak aja..LOL

Kak Teh said...

Puteri, I am off to uni. and by the time i get back I want to see a more sober post, minus wangi-wangian! I might even check (the post, not the wangian) at uni.

Queen Of The House said...

Hahaha oh dear, how much more merapu can you get? Eau de eeeeeewwwww!!!

Anonymous said...

Kak Puteri,

I tell u, u could bring the house down with all these stories... can beat Soph*e K*nsella anytime hehehehhe

What a way to start a dreary Thursday morning.

Aida - the thought of eu de P3p3t sends shivers down my back, in a bad way LOL

lenzaidi said...

Kama,
You did it again!The words you used gave me a real shock of how vividly it was to me lol.Worst when and as Kak Teh suggested baca perlahan lahan.phewww.

Unlike at Potphong street, the girls are thin, not so voluptious and stoned looking girls.It didnt give me the right vibes lol.

I just dont know what to do without Kama, Kak Teh being the most hilarious and fun writers in blogsphere.Its like must have these before anything else.Keep writing women!

Malaysian Tigress said...

I think the image must have permanently burned itself into your retinas, kak kama...or she thought you were hotter than those slobbering men?

Pp said...

terlopong i baca you!! been to london many times, but never been to SOHO...
betul serious tak tipuu!!
you see, my past time then was casino! so everytime i was there ... i was occupied.
i guess lots yet i have not discovered.

terlopong putri kama!! serius tak tipuu...hehehe.

Pokku said...

Never got around to Soho. I got to Londre during the fasting month but I did experience a similar cultural shock when I was in Los Angeles.
Thankfully, the ladies were thinner.

Anonymous said...

Ha, ha, ha... One day di Hadyai kami gi tengok show. Ini cerita masa bujang-bujang dulu. Aweks keluar satu-satu macam pertandingan ratu cantik tu. Round 1 semua pakai baju sopan gitu. R2, kurang sket, R3 tunjuk tetek. Mak oi!!! Macam-macam size. Kami pun pelik 'camno boleh 'menentang graviti'. Round semacam jer.. R4 setengah keluar bogel dah.. Licin-selicin licinnya. Kepala jer ada rambut. R5 Hampeh.... Tetek ado, tolo + balak/mancis pun ado!!! Kah, kah kah....

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Kay! duduuk elok2, anak dah masuk spital tak sihat, jangan mak pulak jatuh kerusi masuk spital jugak.. oh I do hope Faris is alright..

QOTH, Anon, Len - this is merapu last kopek buat sementara waktu.. :)

Tigress - I looked like tikus mondok those days.. kampungan aja..LOL

PP - rugilah you pakpayne, tak pi jamu mata then.. the lure of the casino must be stronger.. alaahai, zaman jahiliah dulu macam2 dah buat ekk..

Pok Ku - waah pok ku! it takes a striptease (story) to lure you out of hibernation! :)

Anon 5:48 - kama tak pernah pi dah after soho tapi hv heard a lot about haatyai and patpong .. macam2 ada!

Kak Teh said...

puteri, lama betui Pok Ku tak jenguk blog kak teh, nampaknya I have to come up with something like this to lure him!
Tumpang lalu, Pok Ku, to this day, when I remember our lunch and tea with you and your friend, I still cant stop laughing. Thanks for such a wonderful time.