Wednesday, June 16, 2010

19th Hole Caddies

I don't understand what is it with some Malaysian golf clubs wanting to hire (a few already have) female caddies from Thailand or Indonesia, when we have a lot of unemployed local youths who could be trained to do the job.

To my mind, this is nothing more than a marketing strategy that panders to the wiles of golfers, majority of whom are males with deep pockets who have reached a certain station in life.

Unpleasant as it may sound, most male golfers are lecherous by nature and lording it over a bevy of young women on the course is a turn-on. It's akin to having one's own harem.

With the exception of some Asian countries (Thailand and Indonesia come to mind), the caddying ratio is one to one (one caddie to a golfer), although some clubs do allow caddie-sharing in a flight.

But where caddying involves women, a golfer in all likelihood will have at least three hovering around him; one to carry his bag, one to carry a stool for him to park his royal arse on and one to carry a hand towel to wipe his sweaty brow.

Women caddying is very much an Asian phenomenon (you can thank or thump Thailand for this). In other parts of the world you won't find such 'golf handmaids' at your beck and call.

I was given to understand that women caddies are graded through their looks; the common-looking ones end up doing the real caddying job of lugging the bag, cleaning the balls etc.

The eye candies are assigned to the more lightweight tasks of wiping his sweat and picit dan urut (massage) him where and when necessary.

These are the ones who stand a better chance of making some extra cash by fondling a different type of balls later on, courtesy of arrangements made on the course during the game.

Of course the clubs involved will absolve themselves from any knowledge of what goes on in the women caddie fraternity by saying "what they do after-hours is none of our concern."

But the fact remains that it's they who provide a window for such an opportunity.

Whoring is not a difficult thing to do if a similarly-inclined woman is placed smack among horny golfers with no scruples about indulging on the side.

This sort of thing is rampant when golfers group together to organise trips abroad, purportedly to experience different courses. What's left unsaid is that they also gear up to sample new 'dishes'.

Philandering is part and parcel of such trips. Our northern and nusantara neighbours are favourite destinations because they reek of easy, relatively cheap sex.

The huge, half-empty continent down under is another, for those with a yearning for 'white meat' (their term, not mine).

And then there's those almond-eyed, porcelain-skin dolls awaiting in the 'Old Country.' Socialism and communism notwithstanding, the flesh trade still flourishes.

No matter how golfers spin it, golfing trips sans wife almost always conclude with the same 'adventure' at the 19th hole, to which many adjourn with gusto.

Maybe not all succumb to such temptation, but it's only because the fear of AIDs, even with the 'topi' on, overrides the fear of God.

I know they have no fear about their indiscretion being discovered by their spouses because the brotherhood closes rank and protects their own, always.

Having vented my spleen, I now have to make amends with the many good, respectable golfers that I an acquainted with (else I can't show my face in KLGCC anymore!), and I do know quite a few.

They are good family men who frown upon such hanky-panky but choose to close one eye in the spirit of golf brotherhood. Why upset the status quo?

When asked, they'd wring their hands and give a plaintive "But, but, what can I do?" cry. Nonetheless, they are still the decent ones.

They do their Zohor and Asar solat between putts and swings, they don't bet, they go straight home after each game (no hanging around the bar/karaoke/trysts with girlfriends or mistresses), and they usually take their wives along on trips to avoid temptation.

Okay, now that I have covered both grounds, I don't feel too guilty about tarring all golfers with the same brush.

Like it or not, golfers are usually amorous, ageing Lotharios with money and it's the money that these materialistic young women have their sight on, not the decrepit old men themselves.

Be that as it may, these young women are not blind to the fact that it's a package deal where you can't have one without the other.

As such, these pliable girls in low-cut dresses and even lower morals will gladly suffer the indignity of coping with hanging guts and wrinkled skin of men old enough to be called 'Dad' or even 'Grandpa', if there's money to be made between those folds.

So stop kidding yourselves, fellas; she's not in it for your looks or your swing, not even for that Viagra-aided boner of yours. It's your padded pocket that matters.


Anonymous said...

Being a golfer myself.....
tak boleh tahan gelak
sampe sakit perooot.

Zendra-Maria said...

the 19th hole?

Oh now I get it - where not the ball but the whole stick lodges?

Wan Sharif said...

Now that what I like so much about you!! venting your spleen.. you do not have to feel too guilty.. you are doing good service informing those unassuming golfers wives that these 19th hole golfing thingy are rampant?..
Have a good day, take care

mamasita said...

O gosh! When will these wrinkly pouchy, horney old men learn?
Those off the golf course included.

These young girls are only after the money money money!
Well..they say these girls make them feel young and happy!
So what can we say?
Don't come home when you're really old and sick and wearing diapers!

p.s. Pak Abu. I can vouch 100 times you're free from this horniness!Lets karaoke!

mamasita said...

Alamak..most golfers are not pouchy..hahaha..sorry guys!
Horny but not boncit ok..

Desert Rose said...

Kak Puteri,

-sigh- An originally halal thing that can b turned into a haram one. Main jelah 18 lubang tu , tak cukup2. My Abah refer GOLF as golongan orang lemah fikiran hahaha sorry , coz he prefer main golf in his dusun instead after pencen.

Iron Butterfly said...

auntie this is a darn good one! can I copy paste and post it in my facebook note? please...

Tommy Yewfigure said...

OMG Kama, c'mon this sort of hokey-pokey activity is only in Malaysia & the neighboring Asian countries. It'll be big CNN/ 60 minutes type of news if it happened in developed countries lah.

Kekeke, white meat as in chicken breast ka??? You cracked me up sometimes & that cohort of yours 'ZM' too. Hey ZM, btw some 19th hole is big enough to fit the flag & 2 balls too :))) Not that I play golf, I just heard it thru' the grapevine, I swear...hahaha.


Kama At-Tarawis said...

IB... ambik ler

ninotaziz said...

Glad to report there are no lady caddies at the Royal Selangor Golf Club - the respectable Home Of Malaysian Golf.

─╣aptop™ said...

Dari dulu dah bebuih mulut dok habaq kata GOLF tu Game Orang Lemah Fikiran & Game Orang Lufer Family. Dok tak pecaya juga!

Siti Roffini said...

Salam Puteri,
I know of a top military man who divorced his wife and got married to one of these miang caddies, after his retirement. Do you blame converts for reverting to their original faith after getting such a raw deal? I'm not saying that the first wife has turned her back on Islam. I don't know for certain, but it takes a spiritually strong mualaf to handle a crisis of this immense gravity.

NanaDJ said...

What Siti Roffini sais is so true, I know who she is refering to. Recently when I was in Bandung the tour guide said similar things about Malaysian men who loves to go there supposedly to play golf but more to play with lady caddies and karakoing with the GRO's there.
Medan is another popular golf destination not to mention Bangkok,an all time favourite

Kama At-Tarawis said...

anon 8.48 - :-)

Zen - you couldnt hv said it any better ... :-)

Wan - most golfers' wives know this too..

Mamasita & DR - inilah yg dikatakan miang2 keladi, makin tua makin menjadi. mamasita, pak abu kalau nak cari bala buat

Tommy - it's true this sort of thing can only be found in our neck of the woods.

Ninot - we heard KLGCC pun ada ura2 nak hire women caddies...

Lap - tau lama dah.. sib baik pak abu tu kira ok la.. zaman melilau dah tamat.

Siti & Nana - it's stories like this that feed my anger. at the end of the day, an innocent party gets hurt..

NanaDJ said...

Am a bit off today, spelling and grammar went haywire, but you know what I mean.Sorry

Kama At-Tarawis said...

nana - it happens to the best of us. take care of your health..

ninotaziz said...

Kak Kam,

Sorry tumpang semanggkuk. I really hope you don't mind. But I am kind off running out of time to get message out.This is my post from my Facebook page.

Pudu Jail is going to be demolished. Yes, it is unsightly, unloved and an eyesore. But remember Central Market - it was smelly, dark and dank until it was converted into one of KL's most loved craft centre. I suggest Pudu Jail, which was built in 1895, should be converted to an Open Theatre featuring Mak Yung, Wayang K...
See more

Nobody knew what to do with Pudu Jail. It was unsightly, it was haunted, it was a reminder that there were criminals long before there were politicians in KL.Same thing with the smelly, dark and dank Central Market way back in the 80s. ...

Kama At-Tarawis said...

ninot - i'm with you here...

bangkai said...

Puteri Kamaliah

I'm being a male chauvinist pig here when I say women have no business on the golf course - be they caddies or otherwise. So, technically I'm with you on this. And the golf course - as you so rightfully put it - is not the place for the pursuit of illegitimate intimacy. Indeed, there ought to be no right place for such indiscretions, anyway.

But here's some insight: does it make a difference if a sweet young thing is interested in a man's wallet as opposed to his polished wit, grace and stunning looks? Is one necessarily better than the other?

Here's the thing, when we were young (when we didn't have money), women fell for us for our looks. We can accept that. They eventually became our wives. When we became older (usually with a bit more money) they fell for us because of exactly that - money.

Surprise of surprises, most men can accept this, too. To them, there is no real difference. And just like women, men, too, will use what they have to get what they want/need.

But here's the naked truth: in the end, we all get what we deserve.

Sorry to be blogging in your space, ma'am. Its such a lovely place to be.

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Mat B - women golfers are fine with me because golf is just another game and I am certainly not discriminatory, but women caddies are a different kettle of fish altogether.

I have no real issue with older men falling for SYTs or vice versa, for whatever reason. my issue lies with the golf clubs for the window of opportunity they afford towards whoring. It's this lackadaisikal attitude I can't stomach.

I feel for the wives of wayward golfers. These are the wives they married when they had nothing. These are the wives who stood by them through thick and thin. and in their golden years they risk losing their men to women young enough to be their daughters whose pursuit of their men is strictly $$$.

Generally speaking, men think with their prick. Therein lies the problem.

Anonymous said...

I m a golfer. I love this piece. Haha

Anonymous said...


I must be a square.
Did I miss anything big?


Anonymous said...

Kak, My best friend's husband was one of them. Bila my friend mula-mula tahu pasal laki dia punya aktiviti sampingan ni, she told him to stop. Kalau tak, masa hubby dia main golf dia nak pakai bikini putih dan pergi sunbathing at the clubhouse's pool. Kalau malaun tu tak stop jugak, dia nak 'dip' in the pool first (white bikini no lining okay), then sunbathe. The sad thing is, she got to know about this after she gave birth to their third child and the baby was mentally retarded sebab kuman herpes. Kesian anak tu.

BTW, dia org dah divorce and the miang malaun dah kahwin Indon tu. Last I met him, dia dah merempat sebab the clever Indon dah 'cukur' habis-habisan and left him.


Kama At-Tarawis said...

Anon 10.07 - and i hope you fall under the category of 'respectable family man' golfer.. hehehe

Derebar - naah,. you haven't missed a thing. i was just being naughty with words.

Jue - sighh.. yet another malaun. apa nak buat, when Adik Kecik rules..

ninotaziz said...

Thank you Kak Kama...

Received feedback that word reached the Minister of Info, Comm and Culture today. We'll see if anything happens. If it doesn't, at least I have tried my best.

But I really should have pushed harder before.

Dah terantuk, baru tengadah.

bangkai said...

Puteri Kamaliah

Yes, ma'am. Men generally do think with their pricks. Sad but mostly true.

Anonymous said...

Puteri...all i can say about your post is....correct correct correct...cant agree more...


Pak Zawi said...

Was on tour with a golfer's wife when she proudly told us that her husband loves to play golf in Indonesia. Her husband gave her some money to spend while he himself went golfing in Indonesia.
Another member on the tour told her that golfing in Indonesia involves young female caddies that are available beyond the 18th hole. She went quiet after that. I guess the tour wasn't on her mind anymore after that.

luahfikiran said...

Firstly got to declare myself not a golfer. So don't know much. But no surprise to hear all these from kak puteri. Am sure tak ramai golfers yang terlibat dalam benda2 macam ini. Macam manapun kena berhati-hati - the temptation is strong. Always remember your family at home.

pakmat said...

..a lecherous old man will give vent to his lecherous designs whether on the golf course or any other course ..its just a matter of opportunity..and the setting in of the Salesman Syndrome..horny once out of town..and golfing trips gave the perfect opportunity..some golfers loved boys, too..:) and isn't golf an acronymn for Go On Lets F**k?..

Kama At-Tarawis said...

snowy - aha, correct, correct, correct! lol

Pak Zawi - the poor woman! But at least she is wiser on once count..

LF - Betul tu, bukan semua. Ramai jugak Pak Aji2 yg saya kenal yg hanya stick to 18 holes and not beyond. But i realise one thing, LF. Men ni, kalau ada duit, langkahnya cukup panjang..

Pakmat - hehehe Pakmat, as always. like i said, men yang berduit langkah panjang.. yg takder duit tapi given opportunitieds, langkah sama panjang.. pah lagu mano laaa

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Mat B - ouch!