Ruby Lips and Tottering Heels

Pix 1: Bum Parade

Pix 2: Killer Heels

Pix 3: Gothic Rules!

Local news agency Bernama reported today that Muslim women employees working in Kota Baru were forbidden from wearing bright-coloured lipsticks and high-heeled shoes to work.

This directive, contained in a circular dated May 25, was issued by the Kota Baru Municipal Council (MPKB) and signed by its president Shafie Ismail.

The circular stated that the directive was to "prevent incidents like rapes and illicit sex as well as to safeguard the morals and dignity of Muslim women in Kelantan." How noble.

Don't you just love MPKB? Just when you think it is safe to put a dash of that wicked-looking ruby red gloss on your pouty lips to lift your flagging spirit, out comes the No Colourful Lipstick rule.

Perhaps MPKB wanted women workers in Kelantan to go Gothic? I think black lipstick looks scary enough not only to put off would-be rapists and dampen the ardour of any paramour, but also to ward off evil spirits.

Actually I want to let MPKB into a secret. A woman's secret. I want to let it be known that ruby red lips do not necessarily make a woman look sexy.

It is all in the shape of your lips and the application of your lipstick. On some women, sirs, they look like the rear end of a baboon, which can't possibly attract the attention of anyone except another primate.

And the stilettos. Yes, they can be distracting especially the ones with extra high heels. But I think the MPKB is missing one whole point here.

Ever thought of stiletto heels as a weapon of self defence? All women should be encouraged to wear stilettos. They are handy for whacking the crotch of would-be rapists and to cool the ardour of paramours.

When I was an entertainment writer for a local newspaper in the late 1980s, a well-known TV newscaster "disappeared' from air for a few days, purportedly on a well-deserved rest.

Of course the rest of us scandal sheet writers knew the real reason why. Apparently, Ms Newscaster was seeing a married Datuk and was unlucky enough to be caught in a compromising position by no less than the Datin herself.

I shall spare you the gory details, except that the aggrieved Datin's stilettos inadvertently landed on Ms Newscaster's beautifully made-up face. That is why I have such a healthy respect for stiletto heels. And knowing those gutsy Kelantanese women, I think the men in MPKB should start cultivating a similar respect for those heels too.