Saturday, June 28, 2008

Growing Old (Dis)gracefully

Let's face it, we will all be old someday - in fact, some of us have already 'arrived' - so the sooner we accept that fact the better.

Generally speaking, women are not afraid of growing old, they just don't want to look it, as opposed to many men, who are afraid of growing old and looking it.

I think men are afraid of ageing because it affects their sexuality. Performance is key to their existence and nobody looks forward to a 'soft' life, as it were.

Women sometimes go to extremes in the name of vanity. I know of a "tai tai", the wife of a local tycoon, who went for a face lift in Hong Kong and came back looking worse (to my eyes, that is) than her 'old' self.

While her new face looked stretched and pinched with not a wrinkle in sight, her beautiful doe eyes actually lost their shape, becoming mere slits with an upward tilt at both corners.

I couldn't help noticing how the face didn't gel with her wrinkled hands. Those hands were the real deal; I was aware of the family's rise to fame and fortune from a hardscrabble life.

Why oh why must she submit herself to the trauma of plastic surgery in order to look younger, I don't know, because looking younger doesn't necessarily mean looking better.

Do you know what is worse than an old woman with a face lift? it's a 50 year-old clad in the togs of a 25 year-old.

Heaven help me, I have seen women my age wearing hipsters and low-slung jeans and short, figure hugging blouses, showing their flabby middle and stretch marks in all their glory.

Let's not deny the fact that ageing changes the direction of our body compass. By the time we hit the half-way mark, all things go south. That's the unpleasant truth.

Going braless is like challenging gravity. You can't win. If you think the sight of drooping hooters is sexy, you ought to have your head examined.

Firm up those bust with a good support bra please, and NO cleavage for God's sake. Showing the cleavage of sagging breasts is such an unforgivable sin.

Push up, push out, and cover up with decency. Leave the tasteless to Joan Collins and Elizabeth Taylor.

My observations of ageing men showed that the older they get, the younger they feel. There is an air of desperation about them, especially in the company of young women.

All you have to do is sit by the bar at some karaoke lounges (try KLGCC, ha ha) for a week, and you know exactly what I mean.

Balding old codgers with nubile young things hanging on their arms, nursing their drinks and smooching in dark corners.

It's pathetic, to say the least. These sorry-looking silly old souls are on a grand ego trip even though they know the girls are in it for the money.

Don't they realise they would be pushing daisies in no time at all? With one foot already dangling in the 6-foot hole underground, the least they could do is prepare for it.

Quit deluding yourselves about the virtues of Viagra because Viagra won't be of any help when you become a stiff, in every sense of the word.

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