Sunday, March 20, 2011

Oy! Oy!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.): To give up all hopes of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.

(adj.): Impotent.

Negligent (adj.): Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

(n.): A humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer....

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that’s good for you.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature (and my personal favourite!):
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.


ninotaziz said...

That was absolute fun< Kak Kama!

Anonymous said...

I let out a guffaw so early in the morning! =)) Oh, kak Kama, this is hilarious!

- Lili

remgold said...

can u be serious for a while.... not! hee i loike.

Pp said...

:-) nice...~! stole time while in my board meeting to read...~!hehehe

Kama At-Tarawis said...

ninot - ditto that!

Lili - what's a guffaw or two among friends.. hehehe

Rem - Aww, how can I be serious on a Sunday morning.. ;-D

Pp - ... and you feel like a naughty boy, eh... hehehhe

Pat Myers said...

Actually, most of these neologisms are from two Style Invitational contests from back in 1998. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)

Much better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Sunday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. The contests encompass a wide variety of humor genres, from cartoon captions to song parodies, but there are neologism contests regularly as well.

In fact, our Feb. 20 results are for a contest to move the first letter of a word to the end, and then define the new word. Here are some of the winners:

Ankst: Uneasiness about what the army sent into town to "keep the peace." (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.)

Eekaboop: A cruel game to frighten babies. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)

Erriered: Made an ass of oneself. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Carecrows: Women who are so devoted to their men that they frighten them away. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to ), or follow me on Twitter (patmyersTWP) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.

Best, Pat Myers
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Hi there Pat, thanks for dropping by and for the info. Someone e-mailed this to me not so long ago.. thought of sharing them with my blog readers.. And thanks for the link too.. will definitely visit often..

an0nymous-ign0ranus said...

ignoranus is definitely my favourite. :D

tireless mom said...

Reading this really made my day *mode tengah v v stressed*

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Anon - it fits yr pseudonym to a tee!

Yatt - take it easy; stress is a killer..