When He Errs

THEN....

Man.

Woman.

Man and Woman meet, fall in love, decide to marry.

Man & Woman marry, hump with joyful abandon like no tomorrow.

Man & Woman have kid/s.

Man busy with work.

Woman busy with work, motherhood, and being a wife.

Years pass ......

Man's punai starts to itch for something new & different, casts net (it's a natural phenomenon).

Woman busy with work, motherhood, and being a wife. (Woman doesn't itch easily, not when there's so much on her mind; husband, kid/s, home, work etc).

Man goes full gear into exploration work in potential new fields (something like oil & gas industry; drill here drill there, korek here korek there).

Man strikes oil! Eureka!

Woman busy with work, motherhood, and being a wife.

Man loses himself in new oilfield, kerja siang malam, just like at Petronas offshore platforms.

Woman busy with work, motherhood, and being a wife.

Man forgets he has Wife, Kids, Home... only sees telaga baru to be drilled.

Woman does not forget she has Husband, Kids, Home, but forgets what a punai looks like, now that it has disappeared from her life.

Years later...

Man gets tired of existing oilfield, starts carigali work all over again...

Woman, by now pencen, plays with cucu, apart from being a wife. (She's neither blind nor stupid and knows a lot but chooses to close one eye on Man's shenanigans, saying: "Pi mampuih la haih, kalau dah tua bangka tak sedar diri lagi..")

TODAY...

Man.
Woman.
Man and Woman meet, fall in love, decide to marry.
Man & Woman marry, hump with joyful abandon like no tomorrow.
Man & Woman have kid/s.
Man busy with work.
Woman busy with work, motherhood, and being a wife.
Man's punai starts to itch for something new & different, casts net, eventually strikes oil (it's a natural phenomenon).

Woman gets wise, tells Man to take a hike, beat it, get lost, scram, GTH. To paraphrase singer Ramlah Ram: "Selamat Jalan Romeo."

Man gets a bit jittery, but thinking of minyak dara belum proses, meledak-ledak spouting from a newly discovered telaga calms him.

Man rationalises: What's Wife, Kids & Home compared to RON95 yang tahan lebih lama daripada minyak biasa? Kilometer talala, beb!

Woman dumps Man; Man terkejut beruk, his ego takes a beating.

Woman gathers kids and lives the life of a single mother happily ever after. Bravo Woman!

As for Man... I don't really know what eventually happens to him. Mungkin mandi minyak like that pre-Deepavali ritual; or perhaps jadi orang minyak.

Or naik minyak? Or even jadi taik minyak? Heaven only knows. In all probability, he'd be so kering kena pelekah, nak isi minyak kereta pun tak lepas. Maybe.

End of Story.

Renungan Pagi Khamis

Seorang ahli ibadah bernama Isam Bin Yusuf, sangat warak dan khusyuk solatnya. Namun, dia selalu khuatir kalau-kalau ibadahnya kurang khusyuk.

Lantas dia selalu bertanya kepada orang yang dianggapnya lebih ibadahnya, demi untuk memperbaiki dirinya yang selalu dirasainya kurang khusyuk.

Pada suatu hari, Isam menghadiri majlis seorang abid bernama Hatim Al-Assam dan bertanya, "Wahai Aba Abdurrahman, bagaimanakah caranya tuan solat?"

Hatim berkata, "Apabila masuk waktu solat, aku berwudhu' zahir dan batin."

Isam bertanya, "Bagaimana wudhu' zahir dan batin itu?"

Hatim berkata, "Wudhu' zahir sebagaimana biasa iaitu membasuh semua anggota wudhu' dengan air, sementara wudhu' batin ialah membasuh anggota dengan tujuh perkara :-

* Bertaubat,
* Menyesali dosa yang telah dilakukan,
* Tidak tergila-gilakan dunia,
* Tidak mencari/mengharap pujian orang (riya'),
* Tinggalkan sifat berbangga,
* Tinggalkan sifat khianat dan menipu, dan
* Meninggalkan sifat dengki.

Kemudian aku pergi ke masjid, aku kemaskan semua anggotaku dan menghadap kiblat. Aku berdiri dengan penuh kewaspadaan dan aku rasakan:

1. Aku sedang berhadapan dengan Allah,
2. Syurga di sebelah kananku,
3. Neraka di sebelah kiriku,
4. Malaikat Maut berada di belakangku, dan
5. Aku bayangkan pula aku seolah-olah berdiri di atas titian 'Siratal mustaqim' dan menganggap bahawa solatku kali ini adalah solat terakhir bagiku.

Kemudian aku berniat dan bertakbir dengan baik. Setiap bacaan dan doa di dalam solat, aku faham maknanya.

Seterusnya aku rukuk dan sujud dengan tawadhuk; aku bertasyahud dengan penuh pengharapan dan aku memberi salam dengan ikhlas. Beginilah aku bersolat selama 30 tahun."

Apabila Isam mendengar, menangislah dia kerana membayangkan ibadahnya yang kurang baik bila dibandingkan dengan Hatim.

Sabda Nabi, ilmu itu milik Tuhan, barang siapa menyebarkan ilmu demi kebaikan, insyaAllah Tuhan akan menggandakan 10 kali kepadanya.

Aches & Pains

You know old age is creeping up on you when you start having aches and pains in places those dear old folks (who had since gone to meet their Maker) used to moan about.

And what do these twinges tell you? That soon enough, you too would be that way headed, concluding your life on this turbulent earth to face the final reality, one too daunting to even contemplate.

Healthwise, I had been in a fine fettle for a better part of my existence. Save for the occasional bouts of migraine, life had been one long stretch of robustness and salubrity. Until recently.

It all began some months ago with painful pricklings in my left hand. It got me worried because I'm a southpaw and any weakening of the left hand would definitely affect my total well-being.

A visit to the doctor 'fixed' that. It was carpal tunnel syndrome and medication has eased it somewhat. Every now and then the pins and needles return, but it's ok; I'm 56 after all.

Now comes the more serious part. Last week I woke up to an extremely painful right knee. Worse, the entire right leg could hardly move; it felt as though the bones were made of lead.

I have been limping since. And for the first time in my life, I have to do my solat (prayer) sitting on a chair because the knee can only be bent a teeny weeny fraction; tahayyatul (prostration and resting the derriere on one's heels) sitting is well nigh impossible.

Excruciating as the pain may be, I'm not complaining but just sharing, especially with the young ones, the trials and tribulations of getting on in the years.

The doctor suspects osteo-arthritis; an x-ray awaits in Damansara Specialist Centre. I have seen the effects of this affliction and it's not pretty.

While not life-threatening, it can lead to the crippling of one's fingers and joints. And that's one hell of a scary thought for someone like me whose life revolves around writing/typing.

Whatever the case, He knows best...

Lake Club Karaoke Final 2010

Felda - Permata Idaman

I have been following the Felda issue drummed up by the 'unholy trinity' for political expediency for quite a while now.

To say I know all there is to know about Felda is very far from the truth. At best, I am an outsider and a keen observer, although I do have folks who worked the land as peneroka (settlers) those long-ago days.

As a journalist and later a public relations practitioner, I have had some degree of involvement with Felda; writing about it, undertaking some PR-related projects and such.

To say I am proud of Felda is an understatement. Felda, the brainchild of our second Prime Minister Tun Abdul Razak, ranks as the world's largest and most successful land scheme for the poor, then and now.

This posting is for those sorry arses who insist on having their blinkers on. I have nothing further to add to blogger Syed's revealing account about the Felda issue in OutSyed The Box.

All I can say is - "The answer, my friend, isn't blowing in the wind, but lies in the magic number 55."

Suara Hati Dalilah Tamrin

This song is a charity project initiated by allahyarhamah Dalilah Tamrin just months before her demise yesterday, as a tribute to fellow cancer sufferers.

Its production was funded by generous contributors - friends, family as well as fellow bloggers - who were moved by her tenacity and inspired by her strength in the face of such adversity.

She penned the heart-wrenching lyrics herself, pouring out her thoughts and hopes. It's a song of acceptance, of redha.....

She's Gone...

Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan: Allahyarhamah Dalilah (bertudung merah) di waktu pelancaran bukunya Kanser Payudara Ku - Perjuangan & Kesedaran tahun lepas.

Innalillahi wa'innailaihi raji'oun...

Our blogger friend Dalilah Tamrin of blog OneBreastBouncing has lost her long battle with cancer. She passed away this morning, at 8.50, at Kuala Lumpur Hospital.

May Allah swt bless her soul and place it among those of the Righteous. Al-Fatihah.

Musim Deghoyan - Mr Os

Oh komer deghoyan dah berbunge
Moh kiter pinang anak daghe
Anak daghe, anak daghe Bota
Teman jumpa di Padang Tenggala

Kata demer sakit jatuh cinta
Sakit lagi bila di kokak boyer
Kata demer cinta itu buta
Nasib baik teman tak ghaba2

Bila musim deghoyan
Demer mula eksyen
Jangan silap sikit
Nanti demer tengkit

Kalau musim deghoyan
Ghamei bghani 'nampo
Apa demer nak heghan
Saman buleh bayor

Oh komer deghoyan udah lughoh
Lebih baik cepat pegi suloh
Lambat sikit komer dapat habok
Kalau tido jawapnyer tinggei pokok

Duit deghoyan yang tua nak ke Mekah
Yang muda gatei nak menikah
Musim deghoyan ramei sedagha magha
Biler 'nebeh sekor tak nampak muker

"An Evening In Paghit"

Kalau tuan ke negheri la teman
Jangan lupa beli buah ler tangan
Pasu Sayong buah deghoyan
Singgah dekat Bota Kanan
Bota Bota Bota Kanan
An evening in Paghit
(2x)

Penduduk yang paling ghamei
Semua tempat deme tinggei
Dinding Lumut sungguh permei
Batu Gajah belum sampei

Bando Di Raja di Kualer Kangso
Sungai Peghok memang besor
Pekan Tambun tempat asko
Nak berkelah ke Pulau Pangko

Amat terkenal dengan bijeh la timah
Hasil bumi juger pokok la getah
Oghang kaya ghamah tamah
Bila lalu ajak singgah
Buat daku daku daku lemah
An evening in Paghit

Pekan Paghit sudah maju
Banyok kedei dan jalan baghu
Jambatan moden tak macam dulu
Bergoyang-goyang bila lalu

Bando Ipoh ibu negheri
Taman indoh menarik hati
Limau Tambun senang caghi
Tepi jalan pon boleh beli

Kalau tuan ke negheri la teman
Jangan lupa beli buah ler tangan
Pasu Sayong buah deghoyan
Singgah dekat Bota Kanan
Bota Bota Bota Kanan
An evening evening in Paghit

An evening in Paghit (3x)

Viva La Calamari!

Paulie the oracle octopus taking a well-deserved break in his tank in Oberhausen, Germany. He has to watch his back from now on because, given half the chance, many disgruntled soccer fans would relish making sauteed calamari out of this little smarty pants.

Now that FIFA World Cup 2010 has ended, sotong will never be the same again, be it sotong kangkung, sambal sotong, kerabu sotong or even jantan sotong (the effeminate, patah kind and not of the miang ilk).

In Spain today, a lowly sotong (calamari to the bourgeois crowd) named Paul has been elevated to cult status, thanks to his correct prediction that Spain would take the trophy home for the first time.

By the way, the World Cup trophy, coveted as it may be, is one of the ugliest sports trophies I have ever seen. It's like a stump painted a hideous yellow.

Some of the prettiest trophies I have laid my eyes on thus far were trophy wives, something men wear on their arms for public show. Such trophies are usually acquired through sports too, an event called bedminton.... but I digress....

Paul, tentacles spreading like the archetypal gatal man with hands all over a GRO in a chinky karaoke lounge, got a perfect ten with eight predictions, seven of which involved Germany.

I am waiting for him to emulate JFK by saying Ich bin ein Berliner. You'll never know; he may just surprise us once again (Paul, not JFK; he had surprised us enough). Definitely not a case of blur sotong, this one.

An Offer That Blows You Away

Caught this bit of trivia in the papers today. The things people do to get media mileage!

First there was this busty Paraguayan named Larissa Riquelme (a lingerie model if I'm not mistaken) who pledged to strip naked if Paraguay wins the World Cup.

As we all know, the South Americans lost to Spain in the quarterfinals, but that didn't stop buxom Ms Riquelme from shedding all her clothes.

My guess is she had wanted to bare all on the world stage from the very beginning, perhaps for that 15 minutes of fame, regardless of the soccer outcome.

I learned something new after getting acquainted with Miss Riquelme, although it's highly suspect for this makcik to follow suit even though it's so darn convenient.

Judging by images of her on the Internet, Ms Riquelme has proven beyond any doubt that the cleavage is as good a place as any for a woman to selit one's cellphone, provided you are as generously endowed as she is lah...

And from the Land of The Windmills came this even more interesting bit of news; Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden has offered oral sex for every one of her Twitter followers if the Netherlands wins the World Cup.

Coming from liberated, uber civilised Holland, where one of the top tourist draws is the world's oldest sex museum, there is nothing jaw-dropping in this generous offer.

However, it would be nice to know if Ms Eden intends to charge a nominal sum or if it's FOC for each of her 'lucky' Twitterers, out of the goodness of her big heart.

While not exactly a back-breaking exercise, all that 'jawing' is still no mean feat, even for someone as sexually conditioned as Ms Eden.

She now has more than 99,000 Twitter followers, and still counting, says news reports. When she first made that proposition, she had only 3,592 followers.

All things considered, 3,000 is already one hell of a lot of pricks to deal with, let alone 99,000; this could very well take her into the next World Cup!

If I were to give my two-sen worth, I'd advise Ms Eden to just limit her generosity to the Dutch team; less taxing and definitely less time-consuming.

And don't forget to blow the coach, manager, officials, even the waterboys, while you're at it. Servicing the national team for the glory of soccer is patriotism of the highest degree, if you ask me....

PS: I'm blowing hot and cold here waiting for the final early tomorrow morning.

Writer/s Required (Rev)

I am urgently looking for a couple of writers competent in business-writing to ghostwrite (in English, I forgot to add) for a number of Public Listed clients.

The job involves regular interviews with CEOs/MDs and putting their thoughts, on wide-ranging issues, into words.

The resulting articles are meant for media publication. The clients pay per article, based on current rates.

Writer/Client will have a direct deal; my function will only be supervisory, although I am required to edit all submissions should the need arise.

Interested? Please drop me a line (preferably detailing your writing experience) at kamabakar@yahoo.com. Complete biodata is not required at this stage.

Also, it would be much appreciated if you could help spread the word around. Thank you.

PS: Just in case you are wondering, I am not business-attuned and have never written on business per se, thus am unable to undertake the job myself.

"Banci"

It's banci (census-taking) time once again, folks, with the official launch of the country's fifth housing and population census yesterday.

The exercise aims to gather demographic and socio-economic information of Malaysian citizens as well as well as foreigners who have been living for at least six months in Malaysia for the year 2010.

The data gathered was expected to provide comprehensive statistical information on the social and economic status of Malaysians, which in turn could help the government in its policy-making decisions for economic and general development.

This banci exercise will be conducted over a period of seven weeks by the Malaysian Statistics Department (MSD) and will end on August 22.

The census slogan (oh, where shall we be without slogans... after all, sloganeering is big business in this country!) is Census Spearheads National Vision.

Don't ask me to kupas this one; I am through with rationalising anything remotely resembling vision, mission, slogans, catchphrases, mottos, whatever.

It's good to note even census-taking is moving with time by embracing the internet age. This time around, apart from the conventional open-interview method, people have the option of filling in the survey form. And for the first time too, this can be done online.

For those out of the loop, the nation's banci exercise was first conducted in 1963. It takes place every ten years, the last one being in the year 2000.

This year it will involve 28.3 million Malaysians and 7.5 million houses, while the number of survey officers participating this time around is 29,000.

For those who want to get it over and done with online, the survey forms are available at http://www.statistics.gov.my/.

Duty calls, folks. Let's do it.

PS: Here's something totally unrelated, but for the name. I had just learned that in Indonesian lingo, a banci is a transvestite. Banci means 'shemale." Ooooooo...mak aiihh..!

Such Soothe

Yesterday my neighbourhood of Taman Tun Dr Ismail was without electricity for 10 hours due to some upgrading works by Tenaga Nasional.

Power was out from 8.00 am and was only restored at 6.00 pm. However, ample notice was given days before the intended disconnection, so we were quite prepared.

In some strange ways it was a blessed day despite the outage. The sky darkened considerably from morning to noon, culminating in a drizzle that rendered the day pleasantly cool until power returned.

As such there was no distress from undue heat, my one and only worry really, because my migraine, almost always, is heat-induced.

But what really made my day despite the minor discomfort was what happened at the Kuala Lumpur Golf & Country Club (KLGCC) as we waited for a buggy to take us to our car.

As a matter of fact, I do not frequent KLGCC as much as I do Lake Club. I find KLGCC aloof and impersonal, haughty even, especially to non-golfers like yours truly. And the Club reeks of snob appeal.

It's hard to fathom this unfriendly attitude towards non-golfing members. It's no secret that a golfing member is a premium commodity there; the rest come a not-so-close second, and this despite them touting their establishment as a family club.

Yesterday's brunch at KLGCC was a rarity for me; it only came about because of the blackout, since almost all eating places (and other shops too, for that matter) in Taman Tun Dr Ismail remained shuttered till early evening.

As the norm, Pak Abu golfs every Sunday, teeing off at noon, so we decided to go to the Club early and brunch together at the newly refurbished West Course Coffeehouse.

It was full to capacity with golfers and their family members; there were lots of kids scampering around and not a single maid or helper in sight.

Perhaps the Club has got this unpalatable 'no maid/bodyguard/driver' ruling in place now, and if that is so then I am really not surprised, considering their disdainful attitude.

I saw one harrassed mother unsuccessfully trying to rein her pre-schoolers in, poor woman, while 'Daddy' was chatting with fellow golfers at another table, oblivious to the ruckus his offsprings were raising.

So there we were, standing in line waiting for a buggy, when a family of seven joined us. There was Mom holding a pushchair, Dad with a baby in his arms, two little boys probably five or six, a pony-tailed little girl around four, and pleasant-faced Grandma keeping an eye on the little ones.

Grandma and I fell into a light conversation; I found out they too were residents of Taman Tun Dr Ismail, driven out of their home to breakfast at the Club due to the power shutdown.

I remarked how sweet the little girl looked, and she gave me a shy smile in return, when Grandma suddenly said: "Kesian pekerja TNB, kena buat kerja dalam hujan macam ni." [Those poor TNB workers, having to work in this pouring rain].

Such a simple remark, and my heart suddenly soared!

I had expected a comment no less than "Why do these jerks choose to shut down supply on a Sunday when everyone is home? Why can't it be on days when people are at work and kids at school? Why are they such no-brainers?"

A heartfelt comment from an unassuming, tudung-clad, 60-something woman of grace, obviously spoken from the heart as she looked up at the grey sky, and my day was truly made....


PS: I must be jaded and blase beyond redemption to have harboured such negative thinking.

Siti Sings Hindustani

What's In A Name?

These are six website names that do not quite represent what they do:

http://www.whorepresents.com/
Who Represents is a database for agencies to the rich and famous.

http://www.expertsexchange.com/
Experts Exchange, a knowledge-based site where programmers can exchange advice and views.

http://www.penisland.net/
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island.

http://www.therapistfinder.com/
Need a therapist?

http://www.powergenitalia.com/
An Italian power company.

http://www.molestationnursery.com/
Mole Station Nursery, based in South Wales.

Ura-ura Mansuh Pereksa

Antara isu hangat yang menjadi tajuk perbahasan ramai buat masa kini ialah ura-ura Kerajaan hendak memansuhkan peperiksaan Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah (UPSR) and Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR).

Bagi golongan wargamas seperti saya, both these exams lebih kurang sama dengan Peperiksaan Darjah Enam dan Sijil Rendah Pelajaran (LCE) zaman saya budak-budak dulu.

Perbezaan yang ketara antara dulu dengan sekarang ialah lepasan darjah enam dan tingkatan tiga zaman itu dah cekap membaca, menulis, mengira dan menguasai kedua-dua Bahasa Melayu dan Bahasa Inggeris.

Budak kampung macam saya, yang menuntut di sekolah rendah kebangsaan tetapi nak sambung pelajaran di sekolah menengah Inggeris (because Tok Ayah said English was 'the way to go in life'), kena masuk kelas peralihan (Remove Class) dulu.

Di situlah minda kami dipahat, dibentuk dan diuli secukupnya dengan segenap liku pembelajaran Bahasa Inggeris selama satu tahun. To a certain degree, kepada Remove Class I owe my love for and eventual proficiency in the English language.

Exams? Peperiksaan kepada kami merupakan part and parcel of schooling. Apa guna belajar kalau takder peperiksaan untuk menilai tahap kecekapan dan penerimaan kita?

Exam tu lebih kurang macam audit syarikat. Setiap tahun perniagaan mesti di audit untuk tahu untung rugi dan sebagainya, sama ada nak tambah pelaburan ker, nak gulung tikar ker pada tahun-tahun seterusnya.

Exam tu satu penapis sebenarnya. Setelah enam tahun di sekolah rendah kita ditapis untuk mengetahui sejauh mana penghayatan kita dalam pembelajaran. Only then we know whether kita ni dah berjaya di isi atau penuh dengan hampas saja.

Sepanjang ingatan saya, kami tak takut exam. Mungkin sedikit cuak nak mengadap exam, itu aja. Lagipun, hidup kami tidak complicated; no TV, no internet, no computer games, no playstation, no handphone, no shopping malls.

Jadi kami ada banyak masa untuk belajar. Hidup kami cuma revolve around sekolah, mengaji, games with friends, the occasional trips to panggung wayang.

Sukatan co-curriculum pun taklah extensive macam sekarang; hanya setakat pengakap, pandu puteri, St Johns Ambulance, Red Cross (sekarang dah jadi Red Crescent), sporting activities and the usual school clubs.

Perasaan kami terhadap exam masa tu samalah seperti budak-budak lelaki 'seriau' nak duduk atas batang pisang mengadap mudim. Like it or not, 'potong' tu mesti. Exam pun macam tu; you just had to face it. No excuses.

My personal opinion is; kalau nak mansuhkan exam, retain peperiksaan darjah enam but do away with the form three exam. Dua exams pun cukup, satu di penghujung sekolah rendah dan satu lagi to conclude pembelajaran di sekolah menengah, untuk menilai pencapaian pelajar.

Another thing is, HSC/STPM tu sebenarnya macam tunggul yang tak berfungsi. Mansuhkan aja Tingkatan Enam. It's so redundant in the context of today's education structure, a two-year waste of time and resources. Selarikan education system kita.

Sebaik-baiknya pelajar lepasan tingkatan lima hanya ada dua pilihan iaitu vocational or matriculation dan kelas matrikulasi itu sepatutnya menggantikan Sixth Form.

Vocational bermaksud sambung belajar di tahap sijil/diploma ke arah kerjaya pilihan dan kemudian sambung ke peringkat ijazah (dan seterusnya), manakala those yang opt for matriculation will spend a year or two before taking the university entrance exam.

Ideally, I would suggest the exam structure be standardised and streamlined to maintain only the following:

Primary Education
Peperiksaan Penilaian Sekolah Rendah (di Darjah 6)

Secondary Education
Peperiksaan Penilaian Sekolah Menengah (di Tingkatan 5)

Post-Secondary / Tertiary Education
1. Matriculation > Degree etc
2. Certificate/Diploma > Degree > etc

Sistem yang kita amal sekarang kita warisi daripada penjajah. The onus, however, is on us untuk adopt apa yang kita rasa baik untuk pembangunan diri dan negara kita, dan tinggalkan apa yang kita rasa tidak sesuai.

PS: Ini satu yang menghairankan saya. Zaman dulu takder any form of formal pre-schooling whatsoever. Masuk darjah satu baru nak belajar ABC dan sebagainya. Tapi budak-budak excel jugak. Today's kids ada one or two years' headstart (read tadika) sebelum mula bersekolah, tapi masih ada yang tak cekap 3R. How so?