When Kama Rambles

They say opposites attract. I say "uh uh, I'll go with that." Why? Because in my case they do and I can only speak for this old self. How does it work? Like I know! That's one of the mysteries of life, yet unsolved.

I've been hitched to Pak Abu for almost a decade (this is our ninth year), and I'm still trying to figure that out. We are as removed as chalk and cheese in more ways I care to count that I still marvel our union has not come unglued.

Just because opposites attract doesn't mean it's all peaches and plums till we kick the bucket. God knows how we get on each other's nerves sometimes, which is to be expected since we don't see eye to eye on so many issues. It's always a red-letter day when we actually agree on something!

There's a trick to staying married, differences notwithstanding; it's called tolerance. I'd be the first to agree that tolerating the other party's idiosyncrasies is among the hardest things to do. But don't forget; you have your own set of quirkiness and the spouse has to learn to put up with yours too!

You'll have a workable marriage if you take time to learn the ropes and not shoot your mouth too often. For instance, how to end an argument, the protracted kind that doesn't get anywhere because ego and foolish pride prevent both from admitting defeat.

He and I have got this one down pat. It's not that we are so magnanimous to give in so easily (like hell we do!). What usually happens is that we listen to our inner voice, the one that booms "enough ler oooi!" and take heed.

My standard retreat is to develop instant impediments of the senses, my favourite being the sudden loss of hearing and speech ability, coupled with what he calls my 'dirty look.' It's good to know the eyes convey what the mouth refrains from saying.

Usually, he takes the cue almost immediately for he knows he achieves nothing by raving and ranting to a deaf mute. I believe in the silent treatment in order to get our lives back on track. I must say there's always a degree of sportsmanship in all our squabbles.

Being married is good. Staying married is better. Living together happily in holy matrimony, till death do us part, is the best, although it doesn't always work out that way.

Only if all else fails should you consider the unpalatable option of separating. Believe me, divorce is not great. The aftermath sucks. It screws the lives of too many people you love. Go separate ways only if that's the only option left.

Always think - is it worth it? Do it only when you are absolutely sure Splitville is worth every second of the rest of your life. There is no guarantee to happiness, by the way. You can only be happy if you choose to be, wherever you are.

So iron out those little kinks in your marriage as you go along. Don't wait for them to mount or hope they'll disappear if you ignore them long enough. Tackle issues head-on. Speak your mind. Tell each other how you feel. Stay true to each other and profess your love often.

What's wrong in saying "you look nice today" or "you smell good" or "that colour suits you well" or whatever. Not every compliment is fishing for a roll in the hay (although most times they are... hehehe, just kidding!)

Lastly, don't stray. Straying is bad for it destroys trust. Also, you may get STD and your peter may develop warts and boils and shrink, and drop off. And that'll be the end of you as a man. Good luck and God bless!


PS: Comments on erring wives have to wait till another day, since they can't be threatened with the spectre of anything rotting and dropping off from the nether region...