Allow me to wallow in self-pity for a while. I need to feel sorry for myself, to feel like a blinking failure, a complete berk who, at 56, have yet to realise her full potential.
I need to be angry for messing up my life. I also need to be absolutely infuriated for allowing my life to be screwed. And I need to blame someone for this mess. And so, I am blaming a woman called ME for allowing me to be a moron.
Now I fully understand why the cow ranks as one of my favourite animals. I am the ultimate Lembu, the dimwit Mama Cow who, in the tradition of bovines everywhere, allow myself to be led by the nose.
Hokay, I'm done. Now I feel a little better. It's good to feel lousy once in a while; it makes you realise you are no better than the next person (or could it be the next person is no better than you? Hmm, worth mulling over, this)
All things considered, I know I'm not half as bad. To prove it, I'll attempt to put things in their proper perspective:
1. I don't have a criminal record (traffic violation tickets and giving the occasional 'up yours' sign to rude motorists don't count)
2. I have never killed a man (although there were times I was sorely tempted to, maybe not kill but sock him where it hurts the most, perhaps a knee at his crotch)
3. I have never experienced real hunger (read Somalia, Darfur et al; even during Ramadan I wasn't really hungry, just lapar mata)
4. I have never been dirt poor (being broke occasionally don't count because I could still manage to stock up on Maggi Mee)
5. I still have my wits about me (well, at least I think I'm not insane. Then again, those who say they aren't, usually are..)
6. I have a roof over my head, decent clothes to wear, a car to move around, a bit of cash to enjoy the occasional dine-outs
7. I have a spouse & kids whom I love (although sometimes I feel like strangling them when they stretch my patience too thin. Then again I'm just as guilty for irritating them)
8. I'm not academically challenged (I can read and write!)
9. My language proficiency is commendable (I can swear in multiple Chinese dialects)...
and the list goes on.... If this is not good therapy, I don't know what is. Oh I forgot; I can sing! Maybe not as well as many others, but hey, that's alright. Now, that makes me feel a helluva lot better!
So who cares if my weight is ballooning and I'm having a hard time trying to shed the kilos? I'll keep trying! And who cares if I'm perpetually hungry? Speaking of hunger.. uh, I think there's some leftover spaghetti in the fridge...
PS: This sudden lack of self-confidence is brought about by that abominable internet application called Facebook. Explanation to come .....
13 comments:
Puteri, it is one of those Sundas, eh? Nevermind, I think you have listed more positives than gripes. It is putting them down when you can see things more clearly. Remember there's always Monday, and Tuesday and more importantly, 19th April and beyond. You are lucky to have that invitation again.
....and I cant type! I mean Sundays.
Just discovered your blog a few days ago and became an instant fan. Love your writing style, serious yet humorous.
adoiii kak....
u look serius but actually you ni ratu lawak sometimes...
itu pasal makcik bloggers sayang kat you...
Selamat berangkat dan beribadat ke Mekah..semuga segala nya di permudah kan...
Kak Kama,
I have read from the other makcik bloggers who mentioned that you can sing really well. Now that you have confirmed it yourself, I wonder when I can have the chance to actually listen to you. Kalau ada sesi latihan vokal nanti, janganlah lupa jemput kami :-)
Puteri..you memang one of the best local singers I've ever set my ears upon..unbelievable..encore encore!
Never mind the extra weight..janji sihat wal'afiat dan ingatkan Allah..there you are..Alhamdullillah you nak gi Umrah soon..so very lucky!
Oldstock..you memang takkan percaya..Puteri nyanyi macam negro singer terkenal!
Puteri, Now that you have got whatever off your chest, hope you feel better now. As Kak Teh says, you have listed more positives than negatives. Definitely you are better than me, you can SING all your blues away. More importanly you have been invited, I ni dok mengendeng dah lama, masih belum dijemput lagi. 2 years is too long a time, dah rindu sangat hendak ke sana.
All the best. Salaam.
Kak Teh - yes it was one of those sundays. but as always i didnt brrod for too long.
Siti - welcome siti and thank you for the kind words. I'm a habitual 'merapuer" and these good folks are humouring me.. hehehe
Ezza - terimakasih kerana ada yang sayang.. tu la, syukur dapat ke Tanah Suci sekali lagi, this time bawak anak2.
Oldstock - Insyaallah we'll keriau together one day..
Mamasita - you are too easily impressed lah mamasita. I dok lip-synced tuuu.. lol
Nana - akan saya panjangkan doa didepan Baitullah, insyaallah, supaYA nana dijemput keTanah Anbiyya secepat mungkin...
... isy, i pun cant type, kak teh.. i mean 'brood'..
Salam Kak Puteri
You are a normal human being. Does that help too?
Nice, one, Kama! I wish I had the brains to list my good points when I feel down, instead of wallowing in self-pity and needing to hit someone!
I'm off to visit the links you provided: I'm new, too ;)
Hey Puteri, lots of people would have settled to lead a life like yours, so u should count your blessing. And thanks for making me feel very much better that swearing in multiple languages is a commendable skill…hahaha not that I’m one who swears a lot!! Well maybe in a nicer way than most.
And so u can sing too, well this one is for u, A Canadian singer, singing in French/English to an all time favourite Japanese Love song;
SukiYukki
Cheers,
Tommy
P/S – I chose that coz she kinda remind me of u & I can imagine u can sing as well too.
I have read from the other makcik bloggers who mentioned that you can sing really well. Now that you have confirmed it yourself,It is putting them down when you can see things more clearly. Remember there's always Monday,I ni dok mengendeng dah lama, masih belum dijemput lagi. 2 years is too long a time, dah rindu sangat hendak ke sana.
All the best. Salaam.
SO..........Thanks
Post a Comment