In Defence of Karaoke (and Bad Singing)

What's with those people who have taken up arms against us karaoke ‘kakis’? My diatribe is actually directed at some of the inconsiderate blockheads who masquerade as members of a club we belong to.

Intense lobbying, not to mention outright scoff and ridicule of the karaoke crowd (which rightfully landed one such toff in front of a disciplinary committee), has resulted in our usual karaoke venue being shifted to an unlikely spot in the next block quite a distance away.

One has to climb two flights of stairs to get to the new venue, which is hidden between the squash courts on one's right and some obscure nook filled with junk on one's left.

And one must remember to duck one's head when climbing the second flight of stairs for there's a mean wooden plank there, waiting to hit any unsuspecting member on the forehead. Such indignity they put us though!

What I fail to comprehend is that the club has been in existence longer than any human lifespan (except those in Biblical times, I guess), yet they have never seen it fit to have a proper karaoke lounge.

This club has a decent karaoke following and has been winning interclub karaoke competitions for years, yet its karaoke enthusiasts are forced to use one corner of the main bar once a week to indulge in their passion.

When asked about having its own karaoke lounge, the answer is a pat "no space lah". I don't know; the Malays have a saying "kalau hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih".

[In a nutshell it means if you really want something, you'd go out of your way to get it, but if you are not interested, you'd create a thousand excuses to avoid it]

The saddest part is this is not some 'chekai' club we are talking about. I won't go into details, but I do know that you know and that's good enough for me.

I guess the bar patrons won for now. From April onwards, the club's karaoke enthusiasts will have to make do with singing in the mini-theatrette, facing rows and rows of seat.

It's like auditioning for a talentime; that was how I felt when I went there a couple of days back to test the system. I sang facing those empty seats, with the lyrics monitor in front of me and the big movie screen behind.

I don't know what the strategies are to lure the club's young crowd into the place (that was the plan, I heard) when the mini-theatrette is as soulless and dry as the Sahara.

Worse, neither food nor drink is allowed in there (the club by-laws say so), a truly unfriendly set-up if ever there is one. It's like the club wants to drive us karaoke fans away!

Sure, the audio-visual system is a class above compared to our little corner at the bar (it better be, the place's a mini pawagam after all), but the total lack of ambiance is disheartening.

If I know young people, I can bet my bottom dollar that none will patronise a place where the only seats available are those arranged classroom-style and firmly screwed to the floor, and where you can neither eat, drink nor smoke.

Karaokeing is socialising; I don't see this happening in the new set-up. How do you socialise when you are sitting upright, eyes to the front, like a bunch of collage kids attending lectures?

I don't know how long the cinema will double up as a karaoke lounge, but I do hope the club can come up with something more concrete to ensure our rights as members are not trampled on.

All I can say for now is that this half-measure is not doing anyone any good. I, for one, may not be a regular after this. I truly don't like the environment.

What really pisses me off is this; what have these people got against karaoke singers? So what if some of us can't even tell the difference between a sales pitch and a singing pitch?

What's there to bitch about even if some sound as horrible as a person in need of Heimlich maneouver? Got people holding a knife to your throat and forcing you to listen, meh? Just keep your distance and stay away from us lah!

Anyway, let's be honest with ourselves. Bad singing doesn't kill, not that I know of (except for one fluke incident as illustrated below), but drinking, smoking, drug-taking and/or random fornication might just do one in.

We all have our passions and pastimes; for some, their lives revolve around the bottle, or snorting some of those illegal stuff up the airways, or practising jaded one-liners at anything in skirt in the hope of getting laid.

For us, we stick to what's safe - karaokeing. (I certainly hope it IS a safe hobby here in Malaysia, because one karaoke lounge patron in the Philippines was shot dead when he sang "My Way" one time too many!).

You know darn well that bottle-dependency can lead to excruciating hangovers and a hanging gut, the white stuff can, if wrongly handled, lead to a long prison term or even the gallows, and indiscriminate bonking with every Tammy (or Tom, you never know these days) may pave the way towards STDs if you are not careful.

The way I look at it, the biggest harm we can do to ourselves by indulging in karaoke is a sore throat. It definitely doesn't harm our lungs like smoking does. Nobody has ever suffered from lung cancer due to karaoke.

Our pockets may be slightly lighter, that I agree, because we tend to prowl for karaoke VCDs wherever we go. But those VCDs won't bankrupt us for sure; they are dirt cheap!

The most expensive I had ever paid for one is RM19.90, and that for an original compilation too. All those cover versions only set you back RM12.00 each.

Like this, the club can count me out lah for karaoke...