Monday, March 19, 2012

Some really awful jokes & puns to lift your Monday blues..

- I asked for a Swedish Massage, but ended up with a Happy Finnish.

- One of my teachers at school was cross-eyed; he never could control his pupils. 

- Did you hear about the guy that went to a zoo that had no animals except a dog? It was a Shih Tzu.

- Where do cows buy their clothes? A Cattle Logue.

- I've written a song about a tortilla. Well, it's more of a wrap.

- Square: 'Why do you only have one round edge?' Circle: 'That's how I roll.'

- My wife left me yesterday because she says I am obsessed with metamorphosis.''But please Babe,'' I pleaded. ''I can change.''

- Got chatting to a very philosophical, obese monk earlier. He was a deep fat friar!

- Playing football today, the opposing goalkeeper said he'd kill me if I scored a goal. I wouldn't put it past him.

- I was offered a job as a noise pollution inspector. I had to turn it down!

- Some scientists at my local university have developed an invisible safety pin. To be honest I can't see the point.

- My bedside light turned into a butterfly this morning, That's the last time I buy a Larva Lamp.

- My wife got really pissed off today because I kept dropping random women's names into every sentence. I said, "Sue me."  

- Went to a fancy dress party last night as a loaf of bread! The birds were all over me..

- My friend cloned himself last year He's been beside himself ever since.

- About to pay a deposit on a well-earned holiday in the Romanian capital. I'm going to Bucharest!

- England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

- We'll never run out of math teachers, they are always multiplying.

- While in Mexico, the Chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way down a Juan way street.

- The lumberjack was so good with the chainsaw, he got promoted to branch manager.

- Why was World War One over so quickly? They were Russian..

- And why did World War Two take so long? They were Stalin!

- I saw a guy pickpocket a midget; how can someone stoop so low!

- What happened to the frog's car which was parked illegally? It got toad.

They just discovered who made King Arthur's round table. Apparently, it was Sir Cumference.


Wan Sharif said...

Your Monday blues joke has turned me green :)

Oldstock said...

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman...

Kama At-Tarawis said...

yohwang - my jokes are embarrassing me!.. :-D

oldstock - boleh pakai kata-kata hikmah ni.. hehehe