Revisiting Willy (Revised)

Nobody in his/her right mind gets hitched with the overt intention of splitting in the foreseeable future, unless if one is in it for a very specific purpose, like cina buta (but that's a story for another day).

And if you are well and truly insane, you have no business marrying. it's not even legit, in the first place. Your place is in a hospital psychiatric ward, or shelter for the mentally ill, and not a matrimonial home.

By the same token, if you have been too exuberant with your willy to the extent of impregnating your lady love (who happens to be someone's daughter), you have to pay the price by making an honest woman out of her.

You may not be too happy being held to ransom like this, but to all and sundry, how you feel doesn't count. You play, you pay. There's no free ride, unless you're riding the village bicycle, in which case I shall keep my mouth shut.

These disjointed thoughts bore on me as I stood amongst combs of newly-arrived Dole bananas in Jusco supermarket this morning, contemplating between pisang tanduk and pisang berangan for the house. Power of association, as always.

Be that as it may, it is safe to say that a great majority of us marry with the hope that the union will last till death do us part. To a select few, however, the script is revised to "till your empty pockets do us part."

It dawned on me how many couples I know have headed towards Splitsville these past ten years since I took a second plunge into marriage after giving 14 years of my life the first time around, only to see it hopelessly unravelled.

The subsequent 14 years were spent as a single mom raising four kids; good, fruitful years that made me realise single-parenthood, painful and heart-rending at times, could also be very rewarding.

Let's just put things in their proper perspectives. Getting married is good and staying married is better. But getting divorced is advisable if staying married doesn't seem like a viable option anymore.

And the earlier you cut your losses the better. Never use your children as an excuse ("we're still together because of the kids"). That's bollocks and you know it. Any which way the kids suffer and you know that too.

It's up to you to prolong their suffering (and yours too alongside), or to remedy the situation. Doing nothing only means you both are just too cowardly to face the truth and the inevitable.

There are many reasons for marital breakup, far too many in fact, with infidelity right there at the top of the totem pole and spousal abuse coming a close second.

[Wish I had held on to that darn newspaper clipping about the statistics; stowed them away for months with the intention of writing a related piece some day, but threw them away recently whilst spring-cleaning my trays, and now regretting it!]

What really prompted me to write this piece is a comment designed to hurt, made by a man who recently traded his wife of three decades for an SYT.

It's the same old crap, really, when a man said his decades-old marriage was a sham, that living with the wife had been hell, that she didn't care for him or love him enough. In other words, the old standby "My wife doesn't understand me."

I realise it's quite common for long-married (but not necessarily faithful) men to utter similar sentiments to their new, much younger love. And the idiot of a woman would swallow it, line hook and sinker, tearfully commiserating with him, not realizing what a great actor he was.

It's the kind of scene to be played again and again in the future, when one relationship ends and another begins. Only the bit player and supporting cast change; the leading man remains the same.

It's fine to be deceitful and play the field for all it is worth. No one can stop you. After all you only have yourself to answer for it when the time comes. You will be held accountable in front of Him, so be it.

All your lying and conniving will then be laid bare for His judgement. Then again, who gives a rat's arse about God and stuff when they are in the deepest throes of lust? (I don't think 'love' justifies it).

I am of the opinion that all things considered, warring or divorced partners (myself included) should never deny there were good moments in their erstwhile marriage. Only a hypocrite would.

Those years couldn't have been all bad. After all, we did produce a string of kids, didn't we? We certainly were on speaking terms when we were humping away, were we not?

So stop lying through your teeth! Give credit where credit is due. Once upon a time we were in love, and then for whatever reason, that love died. It was that simple. Just admit it and move on.

The root of the matter, really, is that men in general find it hard to be faithful. One is never enough. Variety is the name of the game.

They may chortle and say; "Alah, benda tu, sama aja semua" to cover their thoughts and actions, but reality begs to differ; benda tu are not the same. Therein lies the curiosity. It's Pudenda Power, and these men know it.

I have a bit of advice for those ladies who have been cast aside by erring spouses and now hopelessly adrift. Wake up to reality. Let the fleabags go, for they don't love you anymore. If they do, they wouldn't have hurt your feelings.

They wouldn't have laid with other women, even if they had harboured intentions to, or had dreamed it. Thinking about it and doing it are two different things. They would have honoured their marriage vows despite all the temptations.

To him, you are history. So accept it, rise above the occasion and move on. Show him you are in full control of your destiny. Let him know that his departure is a blessing and not a blight.

There are better things out there for the taking. Heck, for all your know, darn better willies too! Remember, you too have the power - Pudenda Power - and it will come in handy one fine day, believe me.