Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Lembus Among Us (and Them)


Lembu 1

When cows start getting bad press, it's time to consider all your options. Shall you treat this as a load of bullsh*t and get on with the more important things in life or, shall you allow yourself to be led by the nose by those who don't seem to know any better themselves?

I hate bad press. It gives me the crawlies. I dislike it even more when it involves things I like. Like cows. As some of you would have known by now, I love all things
bovine, so the recent spate of bad press involving cows had me sufficiently piqued.

Cows and kovils are like love and marriage; they need each other. The recent spat, however, has nothing to do with either. It's politics of the day that turned everyone into LEMBUs. The only exception here is that, unlike many, I welcome being called one.

Lembu 2

As if that wasn't bad enough, now you have some goons prancing about with sharpened bamboo poles in Jakarta, bent on "sapu-ing" Malaysians, and the good Pak Duta (safe in his Kuala Lumpur diplomatic enclave) dismissing it as merely "showing their nationalistic fervour."

Let me tell you that I, for one, have every reason to be afraid of sharpened bamboos because those 'pendet akal' thugs might just decide to forcefully ram their "nationalism", not down my throat, but into my torso. I don't want to bleed for my country this way.

When I think about the 1.8 million Indonesians (legal and accounted for) working and studying in this country, I feel proud for Malaysia. Whatever its shortcomings, this land is a good, kind land; it is a land of hope for so many of my saudara serumpun.

But when I think of the subsequent 1.5 million illegals from the same source, my sense of benevolence dissipated. All I can see is a rising crime rate (numbers recently released by the authorities indicated the highest percentage of crime was indeed from this sector).

So now we are hosting some 3 million of them. Bearing in mind that our population is only 27 million, that's one hell of A LOT. And what do we get in return? Knee-jerk reaction one time too many, that's what.

Remember Manohara? Silver-tongued Mom turned out to be a bigtime swindler and convicted felon on the Interpol list. Pendet? Not our bloody fault. Aren't you listening at all? Go throw those rotten eggs at The Discovery Channel office (wherever that is).

Negara Ku (Terang Bulan)? Rasa Sayang? Wayang Kulit? Angklung? Keroncong? Sure it's from your shores but where do you think we Malays come from? Planet Mars? (We might as well, given today's sentiment and scenario). It only became 'your shores' and 'my shores' because of the dictates of colonialism. We used to be ONE, remember?

Then there's the issue of abused maids. Let's not forget that for every sialan/suay employer in this country, there are 10,000 good ones who treat their maids like family and I
personally know a good many of them.

Why don't you talk about those who bring their maids for umrah/haji or those who take them along on their foreign jaunts? Gee, some of us have yet to experience a foreign holiday, and those maids are already on first-name basis with the koalas and the kangaroos, not to mention pretty adept at navigating Bayswater or throwing snowballs in the Alps!

Lembu 3

Some time last week, The Star reported a molest case involving a vet. Apparently, a 27 year-old kindergarten teacher brought her sick pet squirrel to the vet somewhere in Ampang. Unfortunately, the teacher got more than what she bargained for.

I don't know where this vet graduated from, but I sure hope it's not from any of our local menara gading (higher educational institution), because if indeed he is an alumnus of one, I would like nothing better than to ram his blooming arse with a gading (tusk) myself.

You see, the vet told the distressed teacher that she should place the poorly squirrel between her breasts for warmth (do they really teach this in vet school?) And she did! (She must be VERY distressed indeed). Then the squirrel got entangled with her bra clip, so our chivalrously hamsap vet plunged his hand right into the bra to help.

The randy SOB then complimented the lady on her figure (and the breasts I'm sure) before sucking her t*ts (I kid you not!). Don't ask me about the squirrel; for all I know, it could very well be nestled in her cleavage still at the time.

To cut a long story short, the woman wrestled free and made her escape but not before hearing the vet telling her that she didn't have to pay for his service (I don't know which one he was referring to, though, the 'warm your pet in your bra" advice or the sucking). She reported the matter to the police.

The vet, in his 50s, has since been arrested. I hope he will be deregistered. At his age he should have known better. Slimeballs like this should never be allowed near any animals (am loathe to imagine him alone in a barn, with an unsuspecting cow...) or humans, especially kids. Pets, almost always, are associated with children and I dread to think of kids at his mercy.

PS: The squirrel died as soon as it was brought home, probably from all the excitement. Poor thing....


18 comments:

mamasita said...

Haa..you always have a great smooth yogurty way of expressing your disgust about something..masam tapi very sedap dibaca and good for flushing out the toxins! No holds barred! hehehe

Please jangan marah but I tag you on the Save Yvonne's Sight campaign..please come to my blog ye..Thanks and Selamat Hari Raya to you and your very dear family.

Ĺaptop™ said...

Teringat lagu "Hassan dan Hasnah".
Hassan said,"Hasnah bodoh macam lembu, suruh belajar tak mahu, alif sangka batang kayu, nanti siapa yang mahu?"
Yes, those who appear to make a lembu of themselves better buck up and learn something - be tolerant, compassionate, jangan lupa diri and get real.

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim kucing ray yg alim.

Saya rasa sedih apabila tupai itu mati, kata Pak Malim sambil duduk atas titi.

Kak Teh said...

puteri, I think the sharpened bamboos can be put to good use re: randy vet. I cant believe the lady actually put the squirrel there.She must be quite naive. Had things not gone wrong in that department, he would have helpfully suggested other warmer space! I wonder what his mitigation would be.

kay_leeda said...

Kak Puteri,

OMG!!! That Lembu 3 disgusting act was so, so yikessss!!! So berani eh that old toad..grrr.

Because of Lembu 1, I get funny looks from people when I say I live in Shah Alam. Their immediate response is, you are not from Seksyen 23, are you? Errr....rumah ku amat jauh dari area Seksyen 23 tu. Kat mana Seksyen 23 tu pun, entah lerr....

bangkai said...

Just a note to let you know that I am now pursuing a course (a very, very short course) to qualify me as a vet.

I think my upright friend, Mat Salo, will also be following in my footsteps pretty soon.

Pay-off for this career switch? Finding a client who will be able to fit her pet cow between her breasts :-)

jaflam said...

Hai Kama,
It’s sad to see that even the educated lots are becoming lembus now, could not think straight nor for themselves. The gembala lembu is having a field day turning the society upside down with their bullock rhetoric.

As for Indonesia, I think we have been too nice for a long times, so much that they feel like stepping on our head now. Some of our gembala lembu has been so proud of Indonesia and comparing their democracy and success to ours. This is another bullock and I think it’s about time we stop being extra nice to them.

It’s about time all this lembus be made korban for the coming Hari Raya Haji.

Anonymous said...

Madam,

What about the cow that (tries) to jump over the moon...politically speaking that is.

Derebar

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Puteri,

What's the world coming too?

And I'd long suspected that our dear buddy, Matt not just only brought back his quirky English idiosyncrasies but picked up the mad cow disease too, oh no. (crikey!).

Selamat hari Raya to the Abu clan.

Salam,
Tommy

Kama said...

Mamasita - aiyah, I'm still trying to comprehend 'meme' and 'feme' (tq kak teh!) and you have tagged me olede..

Lap - Hehehe, I remember this song. Very funny the lyrics. I think it was Normadiah who sang the 'Hasnah' part..

Ray - the poor squirrel must hv been traumatised by the vet's gropings..

Kak Teh - Hahahaha! The other warmer place is too moist for a squirrel, Kak Teh! it's more suitable for a ferret...LOL

Kay - The woman must be a very timid person, tak berani retaliate. Kena orang macam kita, Kay, mau sengal teloq kena tendang..LOL

Bangkai - Aahh.. it takes the mammaries to draw you out. Dr. Bang Kai.. sounds good, looks nice on the consultation door also.. :)


Jaflam - I agree. Malaysians in general memang baik hati. Tulah sampai dipanjatnya kepala kita sometimes.

Derebar - The cow is currently living on the moon already.. hehehe

Tommy - Like I said, Mat B is a 't*ts man". He comes abreast on the double each time hooters are mentioned.

Ĺaptop™ said...

Kama's: "..... I think it was Normadiah who sang the 'Hasnah' part.."

I think it was Nona Asiah.

mekyam said...

dear puteri,

i said this at ms Ash and i'm going to repeat it here...

if this whole sorry episode with the indonesian escalates, it would certainly take the crown away from "la guerra del fútbol" [also known as the "football war" or the "soccer war" or the "100-hours war"] -- the four-day war fought by el salvador and honduras in 1969 -- as the silliest war ever fought.

to placate those bamboo-wielding wazzoos, i suggest malaysia returns everything indonesian within its shore ASAP. this would be every shred of budaya that has traces of indonesia as well as the 3 million plus indonesians nationals residing here. ;D

kelambuharimau said...

fuuu..jangan malaysia jadi negara jepun,pembangkang dah mengambil alih pentadbiran..insyallah moga2 tidaklah hendaknya

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Puteri,
If I were a cow, I'd protest that it's an insult to call those idiots by my name. I'm holy and sacred in certain cultures, you know. Let's create a new jargon.
As for that slimy toad of a vet, hmmm....I'll claw his bulging eyes out! Poor squirrel...may it RIP. meow!

bangkai said...

Ma'am

If it doesn't work out for me at vet school, I think I'll want to be a squirrel :-)

Selamat Hari Raya and ma'af zahir batin, ma'am!

Kama said...

Lap - on second thought you may well be right. saya lupa pd nona asiah.

McYam - even the bibik who cleans my house twice weekly pun commented on the sharpened bamboo incident. She summed it up as "perbuatan tak berakal itu, puan!"

Kelambu - kalau tengok pada keadaans ekarang, KH, depa pun kelam kelibut. cakap dan criticise aja pandai, bila sampai tang buat, termangu2 mcm orang terencat akal. kgh buah pala sekangkang kera tupun tak mampu nak tangani. Ngok. Semoga Najib boleh speed up perubahan untuk kebaikan bersama.

Cat - The next time you're here, plse come teach my Lillie a lesson or two in harmonious living.. :)

MatB - selamat hariraya maaf zahir dan batin to you too.. :)

anak si-hamid said...

Great stuff here Putri Kama. You've hit the nail right on the head, sharpened bamboo sticks unnecessary.
They need a good telling off.
More, more !!!!

pakmat said...

..salam Ramadhan..

..but, then, its the season to forgive..so..Selamat Hari Raya..not that this oldster did not agree with you on all the 3 lembu's..but here all the lembu's are hung up for the meat..maybe lembu 123 should be hung up, too.