Thursday, August 27, 2009

Detikan Hati di Bulan Ramadhan


Pi mai pi mai dah hampir seminggu puasa. Ya Rabbi, cepat sungguh masa berlalu. Tak sempat nak rasa penat puasa pun. Bayangkan, dalam masa tiga minggu lagi, dah nak Raya!

Tiga minggu tu idaklah lama. Pejam celik pejam celik dah berkumandang takbir raya. Saya masih ingat tahun lepas, not long after pengumuman Raya di TV, takbir bergema dari masjid-masjid berdekatan. Saya duduk kat balcony menghayatinya dengan linangan air mata.

Kediaman kami ni smack in the middle of a 'tigasegi masjid' - Masjid Kg Sungai Pencala, Masjid Al-Ghufran di Pinggiran TTDI dan Masjid At-Taqwa di TTDI proper. So bila azan atau takbir, memang best sangat; seluruh ceruk rumah diresapinya.

Sebagaimana biasa, keluarga Pak Abu takder la bersiap bagai nak rak menyambut ketibaan Aidilfitri. Not for us new curtains, new furniture, new segala-galanya. Bukan apa, sebab bila dah agak-agak kena tukar, kami tukar aja, tak tunggu raya.

Kalau barupun, baju aja, to keep up with the spirit of Hari Raya. Ann and Awwa kebiasaannya 3 pasang baju baru each (maklumlah, pompuan); Naj dan Joe 2 pasang each and Pak Abu serta Mak Labu sepasang sorang saja. Kasut depa beli jugak walaupun kat apartment depa tak ubah macam shoe store dah, berpuluh pasang berderetan.

A new pair of Baju Melayu is a must for Pak Abu; sebabnya baju tu nanti boleh dipakai ke functions that require traditional dressing. Likewise, Mak Labunya will go for her perennial favourite, fashion-for-all-seasons Baju Kurung (sebab baju kurung boleh sembunyikan segala lipatan yang amatlah menggerunkan!).

So far, puasa amat menyenangkan. Mungkin berkat 'bertandang' ke Rumah Allah tahun lepas kot. Sejak pulang dari Tanah Suci, hati tenteram sungguh. Everything seems to fall into place. Rezeki pun alhamdulillah. Syukur, syukur dan syukur ke hadrat Ilahi.

Di bulan puasa yang syahdu ni hati saya bagai diguris bila teringat kat dua orang yang saya kasihi. Seorang sudah kembali menemui Ilahi, seorang lagi sudah jauh menyimpang dari jalan sebenar dan hidup dalam kesesatan yang amat mendukacitakan.

Ini tahun kedua Mak tiada. Bicara pasal Mak tak boleh lama. Memadai mengatakan rindunya tak akan padam sampai ke akhir hayat. Bila difikirkan tentang Mak, satu hari suntuk murung nanti. Sudah lama meredhakan pemergian Mak; semoga Allah swt merestui rohnya.

Adik bongsu ku Liza sudah hampir dua dekad di perantauan. Pergi ke Amerika Syarikat sebagai pelajar, tamat pengajian tak mau balik. Rela bayar balik scholarship yang beratus ribu ringgit. Masa dia pergi, Awwa baru nak masuk Darjah Satu. Now Awwa dah 24, dah tamat college dan dah bekerja.

Kami tahu keadaan hidupnya disana, betapa 'fully Americanised'nya dia, walaupun for reasons only known to herself, dia seolah-olah sudah menolak keluarga.

Masa arwah Mak tengah rindu kat dia dulu, my sister Idah bawak Mak pi ke US to be with her. Mak spent one month dengannya. Sampai macam tu sekali. Walau apapun, at least terubat kerinduan Mak padanya.

Bapak meninggal tanpa dia di sisi. Disuruh balik masa Bapak hospitalised, dia keberatan. Masa Mak sakit tenat, pun suruh dia balik. Ada aja helahnya. Kesudahannya, ibu tua itu kembali ke Rahmatullah tanpa menatap wajah anak bongsu yang amat disayanginya.

Setiap kali bertemu adik-beradik di sini, itulah salah satu topik perbincangan kami. Apa dah jadi? Where did we go wrong? What did we do wrong? Or, what is it that we didn't do that we should have?

Rasa-rasanya takder. Dia anak bongsu, ditatang bagai minyak penuh. Dia mewah segala; kasih sayang, makan pakai, wang ringgit. Bekalan rohani pun cukup. Ajaran agama didahulukan. Antara nak buat dengan tak saja.

Ramai yang pi belajar overseas tak terjejas pun aqidah mereka. In fact, ramai yang berubah menjadi lebih baik apabila kembali. Ann pun masuk universiti di US jugak, takder pulak apa-apa kepincangan. Alhamdulillah semuanya.

Di bulan Ramadhan yang syahdu ni, terkenang kat si Liza nun jauh di sana, yang terumbang ambing tanpa pedoman. Dengarnya sudah berpindah ke Minnesota.

Sebagai kakak yang sulung, impian saya ingin melihat dia kembali kepangkuan agama dan keluarga sebelum saya menutup mata, dan sebelum terlambat...

35 comments:

Fida said...

InshaAllah kak, doa di bulan Ramadhan di makbulkan Allah. Doa sepenuh hati masa nak buka puasa.
Hope she comes home to see you soon.

lots of hugs from a stranger.

Kak Teh said...

Insyaaalah Puteri, doa seorang kakak dalam bulan yang mulia ini. Harap makbul.

jaflam said...

Slm P3 Kama,
Sedih gak dgr cerita liza tu, bukan senang dan seronok hidup dinegeri org terutama bila dimakan usia nanti. Jangan berputus asa, pakat adik beradik semua doa dan sembahyang hajat agar Allah ampunkan dia dan buka hati untuk kembali kejalan yang lurus. InshaAllah segala doa dibulan Ramadan akan diterima Allah.

kay_leeda said...

InshaAllah Kak Puteri..kita banyakkan berdoa. I am in a similar situation like you are right now. Am thinking "what, where did I go wrong?" Then I came across something which helped to explain it all.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW yang bermaksud, "Sesungguhnya orang mukmin akan menerima tekanan hidup kerana tidak ada satu bencana sama ada kerana terkena duri atau yang lebih besar, tidak juga ketakutan melainkan Allah akan mengangkat darjatnya satu darjat dan menghapuskan satu kesalahan dengan kesabarannya menghadapi bencana dan kesusahan tersebut." (Hadis riwayat al-Hakim)

Sama-samalah kita renungkan dihari Ramadhan yang mulia ini.

drbubbles said...

Membaca entri ini mengingatkan saya pada bapa saudara saya , Ibrahim Mat yang 'hilang' di Singapore.Hilangnya kerana lari merajuk dengan arwah datuk berpuluh-puluh tahun dahulu.Saya pun tak pernah melihat wajahnya sehingga sekarang.Entah hidup entah mati.Kalau beliau masih hidup sudah berumur 70an, beranak cucu di sana agaknya.

Kali terakhir kami menerima khabarnya pada tahun 1973 apabila beliau menghantar poskad tanpa beralamat ke kampung.

Pi Bani said...

InsyaAllah, jangan berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah. Teruskanlah dengan doa semoga dibukakan hatinya...

luahfikiran said...

SALAM,

SAYA DOAKAN YANG TERBAIK UNTUK PUAN SEKELUARGA. KITA TERUS BERUSAHA DAN BERDOA (TERUTAMA DI BULAN YANG MULIA INI) DAN JANGAN PUTUS ASA. DENGAN KEIZINAN ALLAH, APA SAHAJA BOLEH BERLAKU. SELAMAT BERPUASA. TAK LAMA PUASA AKAN MENINGGALKAN KITA. ALLAH YANG HANYA MENGETAHUI SAMADA KITA AKAN MENEMUINYA LAGI DI TAHUN DEPAN

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Puteri,

We had a lot in similar in our outlook in life. Pragmatic & spontaneous in regards to new curtains, new furniture etc, why fix or change if it’s not broken.

Having said that, I must have new underwear & must also wear something new & RED in colour on the first day of CNY {No2, not red underwear definitely..heheh}, it’s a pantang thing to me somehow, nasib baik punya pasal, I guess.

Your sister must have her own personal reason as such but for me, I had always make sure by hook or by crook that I should be home to spend every CNY with my folks & other elders when they were still around, no excuse; even just for 3 days or more if time permits. It’s sort of like my tour of duty. I know it meant a lot to them, especially during the family reunion dinner on CNY eve.

Hope u continue to have a good puasa month and hopefully your sister can come home & surprise u this Hari Raya.

Salam,
Tommy

edelweiss said...

kak puteri,

selamat berpuasa :)

sedih pulak baca entry nih... kak, berdoalah sentiasa...jangan putus harap. Insyallah liza akan kembali ke jalan allah & ke pangkuan keluarga :)

U take care ya.

infomajlisilmu said...

Nice web at www.infomajlisilmu.blogspot.com

MA said...

Salam Ramadhan untuk Kak Puteri dan Pak Abu sekeluarga.

Sedih dan sayu bunyi entry kali ini. Insya Allah, berkat doa dan kesabaran mana kita tahu kan?


Semoga Ramadhan kali ini membawa berkat kepada kita semua.

mamasita said...

Salam Puteri,
don't worry..just doa shes safe and well.Shes a very intelligent woman.Maybe she'll decide to get back to agama soon.If possible just keep in touch with her.

She needs siblings to chat with her without touching her personal and sensitive issues..otherwise lagi dia menjauhkan diri.
Knowing that shes your sister, the headstrong genes are bound to exist..but the warak part embedded inside will also come around.

Your sister will come back and be what you expect her to be..you'll see..InsyaAllah.

Zendra said...

Dear kama, very sad to hear of your youngest sister. Do not despair - just ask of Allah because the light of hidayah belongs only to Allah and He bestows it upon whomsoever He wishes. As suggested by mamasita, keep the channels open and stay positive of Allah's help.

Amboi macam ustazah pulak. But as the saying goes

DOA USAHA TAWAKKAL

Pp said...

ermm...tak tahu kenapa. detikan hati putri menyentuh perasaan saya.
tergenang air mata....di pagi2 di pejabat berhawa dingin ini.
salah satu doa saya, ialah untuk anak2, isterid an saya sendiri hidup dan mati dalam keimanan.

Begitu luhur hati seorang kakak, memikirkan dan mendoakan seorang adik....semoga Liza mendapat Hidayah!

pp

Kak Ezza@makcik Blogger said...

Tersentuh hati bila baca entry ni...saya ni pun bila teringat kan arwah mak.pasti melilih air mata ni hendak nya bila mendengar takbir raya.
Kita doa kan agar adik terbuka hati nya untuk kembali ke pangkal jalan dan ke pangkuan keluarga..saya pun ada kawan di Minnesota...dia pun dah lama tak balik...kawin dengan orang sana dan beranak pinak di sana...agak nya hujan di sana lebih indah dari sini kot!

Naz said...

Salam Kak Puteri,
Saya doakan dia kembali ke pangkuan keluarga. Mak selalu kata, kalau kita ingatkan dan doakan seseorang, orang tu kalau tak banyakpun, sikit akan terasa juga. Ini kan pula darah daging sendiri kan...
Insyaallah, Kak Puteri.

NanaDJ said...

Salam Puteri,
Insyaallah, maybe one day she will return.My brother too, remain in the States to this day and the daughter is in her second year at the University there.But he made it a point to come home regularly with his wife (also a Malaysian) and daughter and one of us will take turns visiting him and his family. Yet we missed them a lot and my mom kept hoping that he will return for good. But they are so used to life there, bought a house etc that I can understand why he may not return. Ever.But a niece who is married to an American is about 4 hours away from him and they are always together, so thats not too bad.
Sabarlah, Puteri, berkat doa you dia mungkin berubah hati.
Salam

CN said...

Jangan sedih eh akak.
InsyaAllah satu hari nanti dia balik.

Selamat berbuka puasa.
jom pekena gulai tempoyak ikan keli.:)

MY HOMESTAY said...

Salam kak Puteri..dah dapat ker lukisan tu?

Deen

MY HOMESTAY said...

Salam..ooo saya bersimpati dengan Kak Puteri..Insya Allah di bulan yang penuh keberkatan ini, Kak Puteri akan berjumpa dengan adik tu. Berbanyak doa untuk dio semoga kembali ke jalan Allah s.w.t.
Deen

Kama said...

Wsalam Deen, dah, baru delivered petang tadi. terima kasih. cantiknya! ingat nak hantar e-mail malam sikit.

MY HOMESTAY said...

Syukur Alhamdulillah..selamat sampai, takut juga kalu tak sampai, hajat orang mesti ditunaikan. Maaf sekiranya sy mengganggu ketemteraman Kak Puteri, yalah fikirkan pasal adik tu. Begitulah perasaan seorang kakak yang selalu ambil berat pasal adiknya. Saya baru merasai apabila 2 minggu lepas adik bongsu dimasukkan ke dalam wad sebab masalah jantung. Luluh hati saya apabila dimaklumkan pembedahan akan dilakukan di IJN selepas saya nie. Semoga kita doakan kesejahteraan untuk adik2 kita itu.

Deen

Kama said...

Fida, Kak Teh, Jaflam - tq for the kind words. ya, sembahyang hajat is one avenue..

Kay - somehow kita pulak yg rasa bersalah, kan? walhal it's beyond us already.

Bubs - merajuk sepanjang hayat tu.. kesian jugak your arwah tok.

Pi, LF, Edel, MA - tq for the kind words and the wishes. Kami tak putus asa, sentiasa mendoakan Tuhan bukak hatinya untuk pulang kepangkuan keluarga.

Tommy - it is always recommended that we spend time with the old folks during festive times, because it could very well be their last (entah2 our last, who knows, it's all God's work).

Mamasita, Zendra, Pp, Ezza, Naz, Nana, CN - saya sebagai kakak sulung terasa bertanggungjawab. kalau dia dah kawin, ada suami tu lain pulak kisahnya. ni terkontang-kanting sendirian, hanyut..

Oldstock said...

Salam Kak Kama,

I know the feeling that you mentioned, although in my case it was my sister-in-law who studied in the US.

My late mother-in-law stayed with us during her final days. I could see the longing in her heart for a daughter who did not return. She passed away without seeing this daughter. A few years after her passing, my sister-in-law returned back to Malaysia... entah apa yang menggerakkan hatinya untuk pulang.

Hopefully in your case, your sister will return too... jangan putus berdoa yg baik untuk dia.

I see that you have received the painting from Deen. Kira ada perubahan sikit kat rumah tu raya kali ini. I hope to win the next bid :-)

Awang Goneng said...

Ramadhan Kareem to you and Pak Abu and to your anak cucu.

Semoga du'a dimakbulkan pada bulan yang penuh barakah ini.

Mendengar takbir raya pagi Syawwal membuat hati penuh hiba dan sayu. AlhamduliLlah, kita berpuasa sebulan lagi; alhamduliLlah, kita akan menyambut Eid lagi...

AlhamduliLlah 'ala kulli haal.

_deli said...

Salam Kak Puteri,

Ada rasa 'keasingan' pada posting kali ini. It's almost 90% bahasa Melayu! Jangan tersinggung ya, sengaja sedikit mengusik. Syok jugak menelusurinya.

Minnesota. That hit home. I was there over 8 years. I was blessed for my arwah Ayah passed on 8 hrs after he chauffered me home from the then Subang Airport.

I am sure you and your family did nothing wrong. Itu pilihan dia dan ketentuan Allah. Doa dan harapan masih ada. Sama-sama kita panjatkan doa dibulan yang mulia ini, mudah-mudahan dimakbul Allah.

ex-rhode islander said...

Kak Puteri,

Saya kenal adik Kak Puteri, Liza atau dipanggil kami Ziell. Dan saya faham perasaan Kak Puteri akan keadaannya sekarang. Jika Kak Puteri katakan dia menolak keluarga, dia juga dah lama menolak kami (ex?)-kawan2nya yang beragama Melayu & berbangsa Islam. Saya ada lihat gambarnya yang terbaru dan bukan mahu mengaibkan sesiapa, tapi saya beristighfar bila melihatnya. Hari itu juga and bila2 masa saya teringatkan dia (sebab dia kwn kami masa belajar di URI early 90s dulu), saya mohon Allah berikan petunjuk kepadanya and ampunkan dosa-dosanya and dosa2 semua muslimim & muslimat. Take care, kak!!

Kama said...

Tq AG, begitulah hendaknya. There's nothing left to say or do, but say the doa.

Sesekali ok gak write in BM, Deli.. hehehe. My BM caca marba a bit, maklumlah old school..

Ex-RI. Tq for visiting. Yes, she now calls herself Ziell but she's always Liza to us. We are hoping to see her more often now that my sister goes to US more frequently (her daughter is married to a local and lives in Chicago). in fact my sister is going again after raya; hopefully can connect with Ziell again. We live in hope..

ex-rhode islander said...

Do keep us posted on Ziell. She was a lovely and caring friend who is now in my prayers always. Thanks.

─╣aptop™ said...

In my opinion it would have been better if ERI had forwarded the entry to Kama's email. It should have been for Kama's eyes only.

amish said...

Puteri,

sedih pulak baca. It can happen in any family. In my case, it was me, lost in translation for 6 months. Merajuk and malu and cuba hilangkan diri for good. Haha, zaman2 x betul belia.

On the 6th months i did come to my senses that i can't live without my mom and my family. Akhirnya balik ke pangkal jalan.

Insyaallah. Masa hilang be it 5 months or 40 years kalau tuhan nak tunjuk jalan balik, she will be back. Insyaallah.

With tech these days, mayb webcam, phone calls can help. Distance aint an issue no more. Hidayah tu boleh datang tiba2 and from various platforms. Jgn hilang harapan.

Kama said...

lap - :(

Amish - what made you mengasingkan diri? kesian your mum. Nasib baik all's well now. Some ppl choose to stay out of range kalau ada masalah...

Pak Zawi said...

Kama,
I have a similar story but since it is about a friend I won't relate it here but suffice to say I just cannot understand how some people could severe blood ties especially the parents who have given their all to bring you up in this world. If your sister have children, she will be be treated the same way as she did to your late mum and then only she will realize what she had done to her mum when she was alive.

amish said...

Puteri,
ntah, i cant remember why but somethg to do with merajuk kena marah plus family 'intervention' session kot. Nyesal lepas tu pasal made my mom so sad.

I donno what was liza's reason(s) but i hope she does come back for you.

btw, Fuad and geng masjid usj2 (kelab veteran..hehhe) will be going to Rumah Alam Limpahan Kasih on Sunday 230pm to deliver some goods. Just to let u know.

anak si-hamid said...

Salam Putri Kama.
I felt so sad to read of your plight. Hopefully your doa will bring her home, physically and spiritually.
I nursed my late mother for two months before she passed away. I asked her permission to "go home" to my husband in Leicester -it had been far too long a separation.
And she said "Mak relakan 'kau pergi. Kalau mak pendek umur, tak payah lah balek - doakan saja Mak."
She passed away 2 weeks later and she, bless her,made it so easy for me.
Let's hope your sister can find an easy way to come back.