Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Cleavage Issue

How do you tell a fellow muslimah (let's call her B) that her dressing offends your sensibility? I am asking on behalf of A, who doesn't have what it takes to 'take the bull by the horns'.

B has breached the bounds of decency with her ultra-tight, sheer outfits - most times with two/three buttons off at the top - that leave nothing to imagination. But A says these are nothing compared to the real issue.

It's B's penchant for showing off her deep cleavage that has got everyone on edge. Apparently, B has huge knockers and is not averse to putting them on display.

A says not only does B dress with half her boobs hanging out, B also has a habit of lowering herself by resting her arms on the desks of others (particularly the guys), inevitably giving those sitting down an eyeful of her assets.

A feels embarrassed each time that happens but B doesn't seem to care. A thinks B is proud to do what she does. A also thinks B doesn't see anything wrong in showing off her cleavage and half her boobs to all and sundry.

A's colleagues are mostly Muslims and they had expressed their discomfort to each other, but not to B herself. None wants to be 'the' one to tell B.

If I were in A's shoes, I would have tackled the issue head-on, possibly earning B's wrath in the process. But that's me, a straight talker who doesn' suffer fools gladly.

I honestly have no advice to give to A. Perhaps someone out there has a different approach. Please help A.

39 comments:

MrsNordin said...

Are we talking about the same person here?

There's one person in my office who loves to show off her "C" although the sight is pretty ugly, actually. Kadang2 tu, it became too obscene. But no one dares to say anything.

So, we just turn our eyes elsewhere whenever she wears those low cut bajus. Sometimes I did say to her, "Oi, sexy nya!", but tak de perubahan pun. So I guess, she didn't think there's anything wrong with it.

Sorry, guilty. Tak berani.

Ariffin said...

Dear Puteri Kama,

In my humble view, her cleavage issue is best left to one of the guys to sound her off. A woman who thinks her displayed asset is a source of admiration will quickly feel embarrass if one of the target audience is the one who tell her the effect was to the contrary ~ that is memalukan!

Jika another wanita yang beritahu...nanti dia ingat sbb jeles!!

mamasita said...

Hai Puteri.
Place an anonymous note telling her frankly how others are feeling.But don't let her feel suicidal after that.Maybe she has a very deep-seated problem and she just wanted attention?

de minimis said...

Mamasita's got an interesting point that B may have an attention-seeking need and, therefore, mentally fragile. I'm not sure about leaving a note, though.

I'm trying hard not to say something glib or facetious because there are many aspects of cleavages that I have opinions on. perhaps I should wait for Mat B in What! No Tea and Scones? to delve into this issue with greater levity.

Pi Bani said...

I agree that maybe it's best if one of the guys tell her. If they are not willing to tell her directly maybe they can SHOW it by making it obvious they aren't comfortable when she comes to their desk??! Ahh, unless the guys are actually enjoying the free show... cakap aje not comfortable tapi dalam hati enjoy.

Anonymous said...

Maruah adalah mahkota wanita.Terpulang kpd individu utk menilai diri sendiri. Makhluk spt B ada kecetekkan panduan kehidupan. Lagi low-cut and singkat lagi cepat naik pangkat/gaji kot.

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim, kucing ray yg alim.

Err, susah lah, nak cakap, sebab saya takde tetek, kata Pak Malim sambil memeluk Hantu Tetek. Kat office tu, takde notis board, ke, yang boleh tampal poster ciri-ciri pakaian wanita Muslimah? kata Pak Malim sambil duduk dalam khemah. Atau tampal poster dress code pejabat bagi wanita Muslimah kat lif ke, depan pintu, ke, kat mana-mana, yg wanita itu boleh baca? kata Pak Malim sambil naik beca.

Queen Of The House said...

Touchy issue. I tend to agree with the suggestions to have one of the guys tell her off. Deflate her ego a bit and maybe in the process, make her realise her dressing is repulsive. I was also going to suggest sending my husband her way ... hehehehe .... he has been known to send subordinates home (male AND female), after giving them a mouthful, to change and not come back until they are decently or appropriately dressed.

Queen Of The House said...

I forgot to add ... maybe this is an issue for the HR person to tackle. Or someone of authority.

Ida Hariati Hashim said...

Dear Kak Puteri,

I would say, "hey, breast you terkeluar la, what size u wear, huh?...hahhahaha".

I hope she'll understand, if not, I can say she has BIG problem, saja nak attract attention org lain.

bangkai said...

Ah! A nenen-related posting: my favourite kind!

Just point me in the direction of B and I'll solve A's problem - one way or another! :-)

Kak Teh said...

Puteri, whenever she is round resting her boobs on someone's desk, just bring along a hungry baby!

Aida said...

Oh this IS a touchy situation. Though I hope that hasn't happened. *ehem*

I agree with QOTH, someone of authority should address this issues esp in seeing that many are uncomfortable with her dressing.

There are dress codes for office and OTHER functions. A professional must be able to differenciate and respect that.

Kama said...

Folks, personally speaking, I am not too bothered about how other people dress, muslimah or no muslimah, simply because I don't fancy having venom spewed at me. Imagine how painful it is to the ear if she turns around and say.. suka hati akulah, why don't you jaga your own tepi kain?" or anything to that effect. kan perit telinga..?

But, like Aida says, dressing must suit the occasion. Nak pi party, oklah kot. But you can't go to work dress that way, unless you work as a GRO or a waitress in some Hooters/Playboy-like joint.

B is in advertising and services clients, which means to say she hv regular meetings with clients, many of whom are senior execs in their 40s and 50s, some tudung-clas too. A says these execs avert their eyes bila nampak, tapi A knows depa tak berkenan.

the agency's HR knows tapi choose not to say anything sebab nobody has so far made a formal complaint.

Kama said...

I think the best solution is to introduce B to Mat Nenen a.k.a. Mat Bangkai of What! No Tea and Scones?, as proposed by de minimis. Am sure Mat B knows what to do... LOL

D.N.A.S said...

i would say, 'Mak oi seksinya... nak menempah jadik mangsa rogol ke?'
Pastu mesti dia takkan kawan ngan I dah.

Tommy Yew said...

Hi Puteri,

Fancy u coming out with this post, gee it even stirred up some interest from a serious intellectual like Mr. de minimis. Is there a hidden analogy between this post & the recent concluded dua ‘bukits’ & satu batang erection..oopsy election lah.Maaf ppl.

Sorry mem, whatever good intention advice or solution I had in mind had already been shot down by Ms Pi Bani pre-emptive assertions that all men think with the ‘head’ & not with their heart.

Yes, I’ll second the motion that we should sent in Matt bangkai to have a feel of the norks to see whether they fit his torpedo breast criteria & if further action is required. Hey Matt, is there any chance of letting me squeeze in to have a closer observation of your work?

Cheers,
Tommy

MrsNordin said...

Just to add a little bit more.

This gal in my office, who I mentioned in my first comment, her husband works in the same building too. But he doesn't seem to mind his wife flaunting her assets. So, how to tegur lah?

But I tend to agree with Ariffin. Get one of the guys to sound her off. That may work better than getting a woman to do the job.

Kama said...

Tommy - It's gonna be a real tight squeeze nenen-wise, for you. I doubt if Bangkai will give you the time of day.. he wants them for himself!

Mrs N - whoa, hubby works there too and doesn't mind wifey showcasing her lurah? Macam2 manusia sekarang..

Dalam Dakapan Ibu said...

MrsNordin,
Hahaha.. are we working in the same company?

Back in the early 90s, there was this lady in my office who did what B did. Usually she'd be in her tight kebaya, and of course she was well-endowed. Siap menonggek lagi, showing her big bumper (behind) everytime she talked to sitting-down guys. That was her 'style'. Most of the guys really 'loved' the show, especially there were so many unmarried men in my office in those days. Her hubby was in the same company, but different office. He must have known about this but... nothing changed.

One day B decided to go for her umrah. She came back bertudung, still with the same kind of kebaya but the tudung helped. So no more free shows for the guys, except for the bumper lah...

Lucky for us, we didn't have to tegur her prior to her umrah. Nobody dared anyway.

Oldstock said...

Salam Kak Aji Kama,

I have to own up... I'm a cleavage fan. So any advice from me becomes invalid.

But I will second the suggestion by Ariffin up there... it has to be guy who has to do the telling.

CN said...

Salam..
Boleh tegur dia dgn 3 cara kut:-
1. Sapa-sapa yang berani banyak, suh depa pegang/uli-uli err.. nenen tu. Biaq si B terkejut beso..hehehe
2. Sapa-sapa yang berani sikit, suh depa cakap dengan baik sambil minum kopi ka. Jangan laser sangat laa.
3. Sapa-sapa yang IMAN AGAK LEMAH, setakat tak setuju dalam hatipun jadilah..

A buleh laa bagi baju kurung labuci lip lap pada B sebagai hadiah harijadi dia tahun ni. Tahun depan bagi hadiah selendang panjang mak datin, yang lip lap juga. Tahun lagi satu, semua kawan kat opis pakat ramai-ramai kumpul duit beli hadiah package umrah kat B. Dia sure suka :)

Tumpang tanya kak aji.. you dah "berisi" balik ka sekarang ni?

Kama said...

DDI - I come across this statement "nobody dares tegur" all the time. I am guilty of same, sometimes; cowardly. It's a pity, really, sebab it is actually our tanggungjawab sebagai ummah to tegur bab-bab dedah ni.

Oldstock - you and Pak Abu from the same school lah..LOL.. he also diam tak menguit in this daily debate about B's knockers.

CN - cikgu, how are you? Scarf yg I bawak balik from Makkah for you and Linda masih lagi dok bertapa in my lemari weh! when are you coming up to KL? Yes, I have regained almost every pound that I lost during the Hajj.. hahahaha.. kembali montel, beb!

nuraina said...

puteri,

oh-oh....i wouldn't dare offer any advice.

let's see....

what would i do? hmmm...nothing, actually.

kalau adik sendiri, i definitely sound-lah. kalau anak, sure dah kena..
colleague ni susah sikit....

Naz said...

One rule at the office: Just say Mooooooooo when you meet her! :D

Pootz in Boots said...

email her from an anonymous address. Zaman IT ni, tak boleh la hantar surat layang..... but if she is IT savvy boleh nak trace IP, susah la sket....

IBU said...

Salam kak Puteri

A lot of people these days, lebih takutkan polis traffic dari the order from 'higher ups'. And some berani sangat with 'sendiri punya kubur, sendiri jaga'.

Somebody should tegur la, either directly or indirectly, mengikut kemampuan sendiri. Kalau dah tegur tapi dia still buat jugak, then tu lain cerita.

My 2 sens. ( 2 sen sekarang pun dah kena round down...)

tireless mom said...

Dear kak Puteri

Any of B's best buddies to tegur her cara baik? If I were a boy/man (singing like Beyonce), hehehe... I will say I don't mind at all. But at the same time lodge a sexual harassment complaint with HR.

VersedAnggerik said...

hehehe....

tergelak I baca post nih. Tapi I myself got no idea on how to tell one off about cleavage flashing! I've got friends who are like that too.

That being said, I am here, reading this post, for the laughs only!

─╣aptop™ said...

B needs some reverse psychology.

Get (upah) a guy (who doesn't understand what muka tak malu means) just to "play act" and grab B's assets in the office while she is at her routine.
"What!!! Silicone only kaaaa?" and the guy drops and feign dead.

Anonymous said...

If I was one of the guys in the office I'd be grateful.

Dr. Azhar said...

The cleavage is one of the important properties to study closely if you wish to identify the mineral...hahahaha..

slam

mekyam said...

dear puteri kama,

maybe do an office collection. then buy a more modest top and give it to boobsie as a present from all her colleagues.

everyone signs the card to go with it that says: we love your assets like our own. please don't overexpose them!.

or something to that effect.

the witch's broo said...

kama,

sensitive tissue, this.

this ms boobs show-off sounds like she's able to take good hard hints.

yeah...no need for subtle hints. just say it as it is.

Kama said...

Ena - I agree; anak we can shoot our mouth at but it's hard to tegur a colleague..

Naz - methink subtlety is lost on this one..:)

Pootz - e-mailing a note is a good idea too, tapi like you say, a bit of detective work and your IP is betrayed..

Ibu & TM - She has no best friend in opis, according to A. Her non-melayu friends couldn't care less about her dressing and her melayu ones tak berani..

Anggerik - Don't worry. You're most welcome, with or without solution to the boobsies issue.. :)

Lap - Hehehe, if grab that way, sure kena ketuk with sexual harrassment complaint..

Anon - I am sure you are not alone!

Slam - Spoken like a true geologist that you are, my globe-trotting friend!

Mekyam - Don't think they want to spend $$ on her..LOL..according to A, apart from overexposing her hooters, dia ni ada sikit laser.. so ppl takut...

WB - I am in full agreement wih you, thank you! I think she should be told as it is. I doubt if subtlety works...

Tommy Yew said...

Hey Puteri,

Wah u have been 'milking' this Cleavage Issue for more than 7 days oreadi, time to button up & moves on!

Cheers,

Tommy.
P/S - All hell will break loose if I flaunt my assets in office! Life's so unfair to the male species, sigh!

Kama said...

hahahaha tommy!
Aiyo, my mind is like a sieve lah these days.. kekeringan/ketandusan idea, nothing sticks...

tonight i am plonk myself in front of this laptop and think of something to write about..

Kama said...

isyy typo*... going to plonk myself...

Anonymous said...

Puteri,

This cerita boobs has been hanging for almost a week now.

May I have the last say.

It certainly is far better than watching a pair of mosquito bites.

The Driver