Saturday, November 8, 2008

Holy Cow!

Wooo, aren't you a sexy one, giving me the eye...!

WHEN is an insult a compliment?

I love all things bovine, cows twice as much as bulls. I adore them, dote on them, take delight in them, have a soft spot for them. I would have made a good cowherd's wife or a cowboy's delightful companion.

Now, if for some reason someone swears at me by saying "you mean stupid old cow!", I'll consider it a compliment (taking offence only at the word 'mean' because I am not) and shall thank the person profusely for calling me old (I love my age). Old cow? Oh.. thank you once again, you are soo kind!

I'll even let pass the word 'stupid' because 'cow' is mentioned in the same breath and these lumbering bovines, as we all know, definitely aren't the brightest creatures on earth.

If you live in the East Coast, you will know exactly what I mean. Lembu Pantai Timur have the tendency to park themselves in the middle of the road, with nary a care about on-going traffic.

They won't budge even if you honk. Instead, they will look at you balefully while chewing their cud, making you feel like a halfwit for honking.

While cows are beautiful to look at, cowdung are not, although they (the dung, not the cows) are useful as manure and cooking fuel. To my mind, a cow is like a beautiful but brainless woman; nice to look at, but don't expect too much out of both.

I am mesmerised by cows. They have the most gorgeous eyes and when they flutter their lashes, I am transported to Cow Heaven. Their moo, low and seductive, is moosic to my ears.

And the rump of a cow is simply provocative. There is no other word to describe it - just sexy. When a cow ambles (cows don't walk, they amble sensuously), their rump sway this way and that, leaving me spellbound.

If ever I have a cow, I shall name it Daisy. Daisy is the perfect cow name. Once upon a time,I did consider keeping a cow instead of buying a lawn-mover. Then I thought about the dung...

Anyway, my youngest daughter Nawwar, is known within the family as Mak's Moo. That is the highest compliment ever bestowed upon any woman by Ma Cow. She's a lucky one, that Moo!

PS : We have a bull in the house (that's because we don't own a china shop!) We call him Pak Abu (Ma Cow thinks, all things considered, Abu The Bull is sexy too. I am fishing for compliment, Bu(ll). ("Ma, dicowlah ratu hati ku" would definitely make my day)

Here are some cow jokes to brighten up your day:-

1. Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

2. A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

3. What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia

4. Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

5. What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?

6. What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
"It's just an udder day"

7. How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowculator

8. Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

9. Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows

10. What's a cow's favorite moosical note?

11. What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

12. What do call a cow that has just had a calf?

13. Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit? They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

Have a 'Cow'abunga Day!


Pi Bani said...

Here's another joke involving cows on "positive thinking"

I looked up to the sky
A bird shit in my eye
I don't fret and I don't cry
I just thank God that COWS don't fly!!

Kak Teh said...

what do you call cows yang pengecut?
Cis! Cow-ard!!!

what is the favorite thai dish of a cow?

What does a love sick cow say to his sweetheart?

"Cow lah syurga hatiku!"

Will be back for more - nak pi dapork sat - semalaman tak tidork sebab dok edit benda yang uneditable.

Kak Teh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kak Teh said...

oh sorry, that's full of Bu** sh*t up there so I had to delete. Here it is again:
- kalau cows ada X Factor, who is their judge?

Simon Cow-ell

Anonymous said...

mulut aku ternganga sambil mata terkelip kelip baca cerita pasal yang di tulis kau (cow)..

whadda heck..

what is the significance of this tell me...

woman maa! can predict them..tu yang berwarna warni dunia ini..

cow cow cow..(gelak ni selalu kah kah kah)

Kama At-Tarawis said...

pi & kak teh - you ppl really rise up to the occasion..LOL

anon 7:05 - mana ada significance.. this is a merapu piece maa..:)

Unknown said...

hehehehe...mooomooomooo....cow cow any language, i smiled and laughed reading this piece.
lepas ni nak gi minum teh tarik cow cow! huh

yang terhibur!

Hazia said...

Enjoyed your entry. Now that's an interesting angle, cow-ly :)

Hi&Lo said...

Why do we get mad cow disease?

Anonymous said...

apa kata maharaja cina pada pengintip yang baru kena tangkap dan di bawa menghadapnya?


mamasita said...

Hai Puteri..I have to cow-tow to you as always..tonight I have to cow-er to eh.Betul ke I am applying my cow-words the right way?Sebab nak cuba kautim dengan you I am going cow-azy a bit!cow-orang ni teruklah!hehe

Kamarulzaman said...

cow lembu la.

Naz in Norway said...

Kak Puteri,
i've included a cow in my post today :D
but not the holy type!

Kak Teh said...

What do you call a chinese mother cow?
ma- cow

and dia dok di mana?
cow loon.

kalau lembu melatah apa dia kata?

Oh mak cow!

and with that I take my cow, i mean bow.

Typhoon Sue said...

i understand that the spooky stories were bersempena Halloween.
This entry about cows, is there a Cow Day then?

Here's another:
Q: What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A: A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!

Sorry, can't give u any more jokes, it's MOOnday, and I'm very MOOdy!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Walla! I take my tudung off to you (not to you tee-moon, you jantan bukan muhrim!) for such interesting input.. kelakar jugak you all ni ya? :)

Kamarulzaman said...

:'( eng'cow' memang is a lembu ... love you anyhow :p

Mior Azhar said...

Salam Kak Puteri,
I juga terhibur ya amat.. more more more...

Anonymous said...

What is behind of every cow and in front of every woman?;-)

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Mior - semput kak puteri memikirkan what else to write..:)

SCP - hehehe, this one i know the answer, tapi i'll let others jawap, if they know their ABC.

Kak Teh said...

double u lah!

kata kak teh sambil laroi ke dapur takut kari hangit.

Kak Teh said...

ish, i mean lari

sitiaishah said...

What a riot. Kama, your holy cow post has brought out many cow jokes. And you're right, cow has such a beautiful, long and curly eyelashes.
Here one of cow jokes I heard somewhere:

What do you call milk that came from cow after an earthquake?


Kama At-Tarawis said...

LOL, that's a funny one! Thank you for dropping by..:D