Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I Love This Woman!

Finally, someone who gets her priorities right!

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of a cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me madam, I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

She: "Yes I know, but I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

He: "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and that your privates are exposed!"

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. But I just bought this hat yesterday!"

When the Bird Flew

There's so much truth in what they say: it takes all kinds to make the world...

London cop Bruce Perry covering streaker O'Brien's private parts which, admittedly, is no longer private. Phew! That's a very suey helmet is ever there is one; after 'that' head, hope he didn't put it back on his head..

Ever wonder how streaking came to be? Streaking - the act of running nude through a public place (usually at a sports event) - was quite rampant during the '60s and '70s.

People usually streak on a dare. The earliest recorded incident in England was on the 5th of July, 1799 when a naked man was arrested whilst streaking at the Mansion House, London. 

He confirmed that he had accepted a wager of 10 guineas (equalling 735 pound sterling today), to run naked from Cornhill to Cheapside. 

In the United States, the first recorded incident of streaking was by college senior George William Crump in 1804 at Washington College (now called Washington and Lee University).

Crump, who eventually rose to become a US Congressman, was arrested for running nude through Lexington, Virginia, where the university was (and still is) located.

I was floating about in cyberspace when I chanced upon the story of Michael O'Brien, a 25 year-old Australian who was the first known streaker at a major sporting event.

On the 20th of April 1974 he dashed out naked, manhood flying, onto a rugby pitch during halftime before a crowd of 48,000 people, HRH Princess Alexandra of Britain amongst them.

It was a Rugby Union match between England and France held in the London suburb of Twickenham, and O'Brien apparently did it for a 10 pound bet.

He was captured by police constable Bruce Perry who covered the streaker's genitals with a police helmet. This famous (infamous?) helmet is now on display in the museum at Twinckenham.

O'Brien may have captured the imagination of millions around the world but his luck didn't hold.

He was fined 10 pounds, the exact amount he won in the bet, and was fired the very next day by his not-so-amused employers.

O'Brien later went on to become a successful businessman in Australia, shunning the media over the years in an effort to keep the lid on his youthful indiscretion.  

 In 2006, however, he eventually spoke on an Australian TV show called “Where Are They Now?”

He said he regretted his stunt, saying it was a stupid thing to do and that he wasn't proud of it. Also on the show was ex-bobbie Bruce Perry whose helmet covered O'Brien's manhood.

“I feared he would be mobbed, or that other people would follow suit. I felt embarrassed so I covered him up as best I could,” said Perry. 

“It was a cold day – he had nothing to be proud of,” Perry added. [Oh, bummer!]

 The picture above, taken by Ian Bradshaw, won numerous awards including the World Press Photo of the Year.

It was also chosen as Picture of the Year by Life magazine and Picture of the Decade by People magazine.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Some really awful jokes & puns to lift your Monday blues..

- I asked for a Swedish Massage, but ended up with a Happy Finnish.

- One of my teachers at school was cross-eyed; he never could control his pupils. 

- Did you hear about the guy that went to a zoo that had no animals except a dog? It was a Shih Tzu.

- Where do cows buy their clothes? A Cattle Logue.

- I've written a song about a tortilla. Well, it's more of a wrap.

- Square: 'Why do you only have one round edge?' Circle: 'That's how I roll.'

- My wife left me yesterday because she says I am obsessed with metamorphosis.''But please Babe,'' I pleaded. ''I can change.''

- Got chatting to a very philosophical, obese monk earlier. He was a deep fat friar!

- Playing football today, the opposing goalkeeper said he'd kill me if I scored a goal. I wouldn't put it past him.

- I was offered a job as a noise pollution inspector. I had to turn it down!

- Some scientists at my local university have developed an invisible safety pin. To be honest I can't see the point.

- My bedside light turned into a butterfly this morning, That's the last time I buy a Larva Lamp.

- My wife got really pissed off today because I kept dropping random women's names into every sentence. I said, "Sue me."  

- Went to a fancy dress party last night as a loaf of bread! The birds were all over me..

- My friend cloned himself last year He's been beside himself ever since.

- About to pay a deposit on a well-earned holiday in the Romanian capital. I'm going to Bucharest!

- England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

- We'll never run out of math teachers, they are always multiplying.

- While in Mexico, the Chinese diplomat got a ticket for going the Wong way down a Juan way street.

- The lumberjack was so good with the chainsaw, he got promoted to branch manager.

- Why was World War One over so quickly? They were Russian..

- And why did World War Two take so long? They were Stalin!

- I saw a guy pickpocket a midget; how can someone stoop so low!

- What happened to the frog's car which was parked illegally? It got toad.

They just discovered who made King Arthur's round table. Apparently, it was Sir Cumference.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

What's Your Problem Again?

Whatever issues I may have in my life seem incredibly lame after looking at all these iconic photographs (a few of which have won the Pulitzer).

1957: Dorothy Counts, the first black girl to attend an all-white school, being mercilessly taunted and jeered by her white male peers.

Tokyo, January 12, 1960: This picture was snapped just seconds before Japanese Socialist Party leader Inojiro Asanuma was murdered by a right-wing 17 year-old student.

Saigon, South Vietnam, 1963: The self-immolation of Buddhist priest Thich Quang Duc, in protest of the government's torture policy against priests. Incredibly, Thich never made a sound while he was burning.

Loc Thuong, Binh Dinh, South Vietnam, September 1965. Mother and children wade across river to escape US bombing.

South  Vietnam 1966:  US troops dragging a dead Vietcong soldier.

Saigon, South Vietnam, February 1, 1968, South Vietnam police chief Nguyen Ngoc Loan shoots a young man suspected to be a Vietcong soldier.

Uganda, 1980: A missionary holding the emaciated hand of a starving boy in Uganda. The boy died soon after.

Beirut, 1982: Massacre of Palestinian refugees in camps Sabra and Shatila.

Beijing, 4 June 1989. A demonstrator confronts a line of People’s Liberation Army tanks during Tianannmen Square demonstrations for democratic reform.

Somalia, 1992: A Somali mother holds the body of her child who had died of hunger.

Rwanda, 1994: A Hutu man mutilated by the Hutu ‘Interahamwe’ militia, who suspected him of sympathizing with the Tutsi rebels.

Iran, 2002: Soldiers and villagers digging graves for the victims of an earthquake in northern Iran. A tearful child clings to his dead father’s pants before burial.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Rene & Atief - The Wedding

Don't we all love weddings! We get to meet relatives and friends near and far, offering a chance to mend fences for some and renew old ties for others. 

Some get to parade new togs and heels. Others less restrained take the opportunity to show off their bling-blings that could put a dimmer on the stars in the Milky Way.

Then there's food, glorious food. I'm sure you love wedding feasts as much as I do. I guess it's not so much what is served, but the whole kenduri atmosphere the occasion affords.

There were makan aplenty at the wedding of my niece, Masyarene Mohd Som (daughter of my sister Zahana), to her beau, Syed Atief Syed Amran, in Shah Alam Saturday last.

("Three down, three to go, plus one," I whispered in half-jest, and the mother of six daughters and one son smiled ruefully!)

With aqad (solemnisation) and bersanding (sitting on the dais) done on the same day - one in the morning, the other in the evening - our meals were kowtimmed for the whole day. And that had not even taken the tapau part into account. See why I love weddings in the family?


Rene, radiant in white, patiently waiting to be led downstairs for the solemnisation ceremony.

 Aqad was undertaken by the bride's father himself, a taciturn former Air Force pilot now flying with a private carrier, whose serious demeanour had caused the nervous groom to slightly flub his nikah acceptance. Can't help it, Atief; he's got 6 daughters on his mind!

Mother of the bride sitting pretty beside her third daughter, soon to be someone's wife. Psst, did I spy some tears behind the smile? (I know I did :-D)

Sarung cincin.. 'With this ring, I thee wed.."

Rene and Atief posing for their first picture together as husband and wife. 


Yours truly with all her sisters but one and sisters-in-law. From left: first sister and mother of the bride Zahana, fourth sister Zanariah, sister-in-law Wan Hanisah (all the way from Kota Bharu), third sister Zaridah (the glamour puss of the family), sister-in-law Sara (from Ipoh), second sister Hanizah and yours truly, the Big Sister (in both rank and size). The missing one is my adik bongsu Norliza, currently working and residing in the US.

A simple pelamin for the aqad ceremony.

Before long, these adorable cucus of my sister Zaridah clambered up to stake a claim on the wrought iron kerusi.

The bride's two elder sisters, Masyareta and Masyarena, both happily married with a child each. Rena's the first medical doctor among her siblings and runs a private clinic in Nilai. 

This heart-shaped cake is one of the hantaran items from bride to groom. I especially like the lavender/blue theme colour.

My eldest brother Megat Yusof with our niece Asma (daughter of Zanariah), yet another doctor in the making, with a couple more years to go before graduation.

Muda, segak, able and available! Not you, Chop (heaven forbids!) but the young man, our nephew Anoh (Mohd Noh), only son of our sister Hanizah. Any takers? :-D

Let it be known that Hanizah has joined my ranks in tearing our hair out for the past few years waiting for our bujang sons to bring home 'potentials' to show us. At this rate, we'll be bald soon, eh Zah?

Pak Abu, with nary a care in the world, menjamu selera with kampung fare (ikan kering, sambal belacan, ulam et al) for lunch.


The wedding reception was held later in the evening at Kelab Shah Alam Selangor, not far from the bride's family residence. There were some 600 guests in attendance.

Nothing fancy really (and it was that way intended), just the usual bersanding, merenjis, makan beradab dan later, cake-cutting. There were no VIPs nor guests-of honour. Everyone was a special guest of the family.

Selamat Pengantin Baru

Pak Syed and wife, parents of the groom; they live in Perlis. Looks like we'll be trudging up to the North soon  for an utara-style kenduri. Looking forward to the trip.

My two orang bujang, Naj and Joe. Any takers? Hehehe..

This is what we in the family affectionately call "Geng Salor" i.e. the children and in-laws of my brother Megat Fouzi and his wife, Wan Hanisah, who hails from Salor, Kelantan.

These 3 cutiepies are the elder granddaughters of my eldest brother Megat Yusof. From left: Tun Nur Syalisa, Tun Nur Ainaa and Tun Nur Syahirah. Aduhai, potential heartbreakers semua ni..

My glam memanjang sis Zaridah with her better half, Radzi. Fuuuh, sapa punya jari tuuu?

Ahem.. merah sangatlah Mak Ngah..!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Generation Y

The Silent Generation is made up of people born before 1946.

The Baby Boomers are those born between 1946 and 1959. [I am right smack in this category, having arrived three years before Merdeka]

Generation X are those who were born between 1960 and 1989. [This span covers my 4 kids, all of whom were born between 1975-1985] 

Generation Y comprises those born onwards of 1990. Any idea why those kids are called Generation Y? I know not, but cartoonist Beau Det helps explain it quite eloquently, I think. Here's why:

Sunday, March 4, 2012

If Only...

Who, do you think, painted these beautiful pictures?

He had wanted to attend the Viennese Academy of Fine Arts and become an artist, but his application was rejected.

Had he been accepted, world history would probably have been different, because the applicant's name was Adolf Hitler.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Renungan Jumaat

20 Penyakit Hati Terhadap Allah
  • TIDAK KUSYUK apabila beribadah
  • LALAI dari mengingati Allah
  • TIDAK YAKIN dengan Allah
  • TIDAK IKHLAS dengan Allah
  • TIDAK TAKUT pada ancaman Allah
  • TIDAK BERHARAP pada rahmat Allah
  • TIDAK REDHO akan takdir Allah
  • TIDAK PUAS dengan pemberian Allah
  • TIDAK SABAR atas ujian Allah
  • TIDAK BERSYUKUR atas nikmat Allah
  • TIDAK TERASA hebatnya Allah
  • TIDAK RINDU dan CINTA pada Allah
  • TIDAK TAWAKKAL pada Allah
  • TIDAK RINDU pada Syurga
  • TIDAK TAKUT pada Neraka
  • GILA pada duniawi
  • BUANG MASA dengan sia-sia
  • TAKUT kepada orang & makhluk lain selain Allah
  • GILA pujian dan kemasyuran
(dipetik dari DrSoul's Quote Collection)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Kisah Surat Khabar

Surat khabar bersusun kat rumah sehari dua ni. Masih belum punya kesempatan nak baca. Sebenarnya, nak kata sibuk sangat pun tidak, cuma consumed with other priorities. Biasalah, pottering around doing this and that, lepas tu lupa.

Sudah menjadi kelaziman saya membeli sekurang-kurangnya dua surat khabar sehari, satu dalam Bahasa Melayu dan satu lagi dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Andainya saya pandai Mandarin dan Tamil, sudah tentu surat khabar Cina dan India pun jadi my daily staple. 

Orang yang suka menganjurkan "jangan baca surat khabar itu dan jangan dengar berita di stesen TV ini" bagi saya adalah tergolong dalam mereka yang singkat fikiran.

Kita tidak harus menghalang perkembangan minda kita. Kenapa perlu menjadi seperti lembu dicucuk hidung, subscribing to herd mentality? This kind of limitation sebenarnya membantutkan kematangan pemikiran kita sendiri.

Itulah sebabnya ramai political infants di kalangan kita, yang hanya mampu menjerit dan membuat bising. Tak ubah macam bayi, all hype and no substance. Dan macam bayi juga, the only substance is a diaperful of crap.

Bagi saya, gah bercakap tak guna. Setakat bermodalkan air liur. Yang penting gah berfikir. Speakers and orators are a dime a dozen but thinkers are worth their weight in gold.

Berbalik kepada kisah surat khabar, walaupun saya tak pernah ketinggalan mengikuti news reports di pelbagai online portals, I still have this need for the physical presence of a newspaper to complete my day.

Mungkin kerana saya old school, dek kerjaya zaman silam sebagai wartawan, pada satu era di mana tulis news reports masih pakai typewriter, dengan tujuh carbon copies.

Wartawan sekarang (saya maksudkan the younger generation) tidak mungkin dapat membayangkan semua itu; not when they input their stories pakai komputer, dengan 'delete' keys yang boleh padamkan writing errors at will.

Zaman dulu news editors perbetul copy pakai dakwat merah (macam cikgu) on the top sheet of your 7 carbon copies. Then you had to type the whole darn story, dengan 7 salinan, all over again!

Mati Merajuk

Semalam saya terbaca dalam Harian Metro satu news item yang agak menyedihkan, yang membuatkan saya berfikir sejenak, kerana ia melibatkan isu perhubungan kekeluargaan dan maaf memaafi.

Berita utama di muka 9 bertajuk "Merajuk Sampai Mati" memaparkan penemuan satu mayat yang sudah reput dan berulat di sebuah rumah di tanah rancangan Felda dekat Jerantut.

Pilu saya membacanya. Al-Fatihah untuk roh allahyarham peneroka Abdullah Mat Nor, 60 tahun, yang kembali ke rahmatullah dalam keadaan kesaorangan dan begitu daif, dan hanya disedari tiga atau empat hari selepasnya.

Tidak dipastikan sama ada isterinya sudah meninggal atau mereka berdua sudah berpisah. Yang pasti, ayah 7 anak yang telah dewasa ini tinggal bersendirian. Dikhabarkan, dia merajuk kerana tidak dibenarkan berkahwin oleh anak keempatnya Shamsiah, 34 tahun. 

Shamsiah, yang menetap di Temerloh, berkata: "Saya rasa sangat terkilan kerana tidak sempat untuk minta maaf dengan arwah ayah yang merajuk kerana saya tidak membenarkannya untuk berkahwin dengan seorang perempuan pilihannya.

Tambah beliau: "Sudah seminggu saya cuba menghubunginya, namun ayah langsung tidak menjawab telefon sedangkan hubungan kami sebelum ini sangat mesra dan ayah selalu menziarahi dan menghubungi saya."

Itulah kisahnya yang terpapar di dada akhbar. Si ayah yang tinggal bersendirian besar kemungkinan sepi hidupnya and memerlukan belaian seorang isteri pada usia yang sudah senja. Si anak melarang, atas sebab-sebab yang tidak dinyatakan.

Si ayah merajuk dan kembali ke kampung untuk mengubat hati sepi yang telah dilukakan. Ditakdirkan, sakratulmaut datang menjemput dalam kesunyiannya, dan beliau dibawa pergi. Menurut Ketua Polis Jerantut, tiada sebarang unsur jenayah dikenalpasti dan kes diklasifikasi sebagai mati mengejut.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihirrajioun. Semoga rohnya tenang di 'sana'. Hanya Al-Fatihah yang mampu disedekahkan. Bagi anaknya pula, apa lagi yang dapat di kata. Yang tinggal hanya penyesalan semata-mata, tetapi sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian sudah tiada gunanya.

PS: Pokoknya, kebanyakan lelaki pada umur 60 tahun masih perkasa, dengan semangat yang masih berkobar dan kudrat yang belum luntur. Andainya dia mampu, biarkanlah dia.

Saya pernah berdepan dengan satu situasi serupa, di mana si ayah (yang sudah lama kematian isteri) di halang berkawin lain oleh anak-anak, semata-mata takut harta 'dibolot' isteri baru. Aduhai...