Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tiger In The Woods

At last count there were ten birdies chirping merrily away outside his window, some waiting with bated breath to tell every juicy detail of their sex romps (for a price of course) with the mighty 'club' of the golf sensation, His Horniness Tiger Woods.

With his wholesome image in tatters, his golf on hold, his endorsements hanging in balance (one has pulled out) and the future of his marriage uncertain (wife Elin has reportedly moved out of their mansion with the couple's two children), Tiger has plenty of time to reflect on the consequences of what he had described as his 'transgressions'.

"Whatever you choose to call it, Tiger, it's Cheating On One's Wife in simple and plain everyday language. What more, you deserve every single piece of sh** splattered your way in the light of your conduct, so unbecoming for someone of your stature.

The fact remains that you have failed miserably as a son to Kutilda, a husband to Elin, a father to Sam and Charlie and as an icon to us, your avid fans (now no more, and good riddance too). The sad reality is that you are no better than any moronic slimeball in the same mould.

It is lamentable that you had shamelessly and stupidly let your dick do the talking. And now it's payback time, son. We wouldn't have cared a toss in which honey (cess?) pool you had been dipping your rod, had you not been a family man with a wife and two kids in tow.

You have let us down big time. And as far as I am concerned, Tiger, you are done for. You are well and truly in the woods now. For a few tufts of questionable mounds, you screwed yourself in the grandest possible way.

Elin should have whacked you nice and proper with a driver instead of taking a couple of spotty swings at the car. I do hope she will take you to the cleaners..... and more....."


Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Puteri,
And nobody took me seriously when I said I was flirting with him in Melbourne last month! A cat can sniff these things, you know? purrr....meow!

Pi Bani said...

Well, he is after all... a tiger? Grrrowll!

Anonymous said...

Need a driver? Call me.


Zabs said...

Salam Puteri. The unperfect 10 for it?

mamasita said...

Yes Puteri!!
Give him a good tongue lashing!

Alas men are men..
with so much money and fame pun dia tak kenyang..they never will!!

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Crouching Tiger, hidden damsels :)

12 over par, the last I heard, hmmmm bad, bad, round! I don't think he can recover from this.

Don't lah like that, mamasita, Pak Abu, AK47, Tommy are still good guys what :))

─╣aptop™ said...

Dari dulu dah cakap.
Jauhi golf sebab golfers mula start sebagai golongan orang lemah fikiran. Pastu bila fikiran tu nampak lagu ok sikit depa upgrade dan selowly jadi golongan orang lufer famili.
Bahaya golf nih!
Baik main congkak.

Kak Teh said...

puteri, rupanya dia buat hal dah lama, but it is his money that is keeping everyone quiet, kan? The power of money!

pakmat said...

..yes, let's put him there and stoned him to death..but consider awhile..he is a super athlete, highly tuned and highly is known that such people are highly sexed, too..that is why footballers are allowed to bring their WAGS (wives and girlfriends) where ever they are before a game brings out the best in them..let's take a look at this Rimau Kayu..of Thai and African parentage..born and bred in a society where pre-marital sex is the norm..same sex marriage..and children out of wedlock does not raised eyebrows..where couples can set up home without the sanctity of marriage..and breed children..and willing girls ready to spread where ever he goes..for the glamour of bedding him..for the money..ah, lady..its not easy being a saint when satans are this old man, he committed the supreme mistake, yes..he got married...

Mrs.A said...

Yeslah Kak Puteri. I wish someone gets him to read this!!!

I am so dissapointed, as a golf celeb he also had a social responsibility.. I had kids in my kindy class who wanted to be him !!

I would not be wearing red for a while (and shall be keeping the hubs ala ala Tiger red nike shirt to the back of the closet) and shall not be watching any golf for a while.. esp if he starts playing again. Hmmppph....

3yearshousewife said...

Salam singgah.
Terer lagi dari David Beckham dia nih. Mungkin betul kata org: lelaki muka innocent/seposen nih bukan blh percaya sgt. Sungguhlah Tiger nih harimau - hari hari mau...

tireless mom said...

Seperti harimau meninggalkan belang... but in a sick way.

Salt N Turmeric said...

Yg kawan dari kecik dia tu pun lagi sorang. Did he realise when he booked the mistress's flight/hotel to be with TW, he was insulting Elin?

I kesian dgn Elin sbb she's pretty and nice and not the typical sportsmens wives yg suka the spotlight. Im sure she had no idea tht TW was/is a womaniser.

Good for her for checking his cellphone! Trust? Those kind of men cheated on their wives because they know their wives trusted them and would never check their cellphones and emails. Betul tak Kak Puteri?

Kama said...

cat - i had been duped, cat. I should have asked you to sniff harder when he was down under..:)

pi - for now pi, dia dah jadi paper tiger.. :)

derebar - twas good to see you again (in here) and in person at the club the other, derebar! was wondering manalah you hilang..

zabs - at this moment the number is adding on, zab. entah how many more coming out of the woodworks agaknya.

mamasita - sigh.. I guess lust has no boundary to some

tommy - now arr tommy, the oft-quoted saying about men 'the good ones are all married' is no longer applicable, mah!

laptop - lerr, whyla you salahkan golf.. ramai yang dont go beyond the 18th hole..LOL (psst, btw, I suka main congkak)

kak teh - Indeed it's been going on for a long time, cuma he had people around him who covered for him.. duit punya pasal as always.

pakmat - hehehe pakmat, it's always a pleasure to read your biting comments.. you've been away from my sphere for a while, welcome back pakmat!

mrs a - me too. I told pak abu my disappointment is total; malaih nak ambik pot dah about tiger woods from now on.

3yrs hwife - sometimes yg muka innocent abih tu yg bahaya! nampak cam baik jere..tapi perangai malaun! hehehe

tm - ini rimau meninggalkan ayaq dia all over tm

farina - the things men do to cover for each other dalam kes2 infidelity.. (sighh). Yes I do sympathise with Erin; been reading about her ever since she dated Woods.. came across as a level-headed girl. mak dia pun bukan calang2 orang, a cabinet minister.
likie you said, kalau kita trust too much pun susah jugak.. tapi kalau kita asyik dok check after him dia kata kita sentiasa suspicious of what he does.. adui, susah susah..

NanaDJ said...

Won't comment on Tiger, disappointed tak terkata.
Please tell Pak Abu my other half will vote for him and so will all my friends who are members. Good luck, hope he wins.
Tiger oh Tiger!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your votes NanaDJ, other half and friends who are members of the Club. Please do come to the AGM, Kama will be there too, and elect the right people to lead the club. The AGM will be hot this time, especially with regard to the Investigative Audit Report, please read the report which was included in the Annual Report 2009.
Pak Abu

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kama said...

NanaDJ - I share your sentiment. "Tipah Tertipu' bigtime by his wholesome persona..

Pak Abu - TQ for the response. I wish you'll garner enough votes to serve another year.