Out of the mouths of babes..

A first-grade teacher had 26 students in her class. She presented each child with the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder. Their insight may surprise you...

1. Don't change horses --- Until they stop running.

2. Strike while the --- Bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before --- Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of --- Termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but --- How?

6. Don't bite the hand that --- Looks dirty.

7. No news is --- Impossible

8. A miss is as good as a --- Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new --- Math

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll --- Stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust --- Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the --- Pigs.

13. An idle mind is --- The best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's --- Pollution.

15. Happy is the bride who --- Gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is --- Not much.

17. Two's company, three's --- The Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what --- You put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and --- You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as --- Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not --- Spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed --- Get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you --- See in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind --- Get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand --- Is going to poop on you.

26. Better late than --- Pregnant!

Amoi Oh Amoi....!

Before you begin, please be informed that this story has nothing to do with a certain amoi in a much talked-about sex tape. It's just another amoi, the homegrown kind and not your much-maligned (rightly so!) "China Doll" specie.

Day/Date/Time: This morning Venue: A bead shop in One Utama Shopping Complex Key Players: Makcik Kama and Amoi (thereafter referred to as MCK and Amoi [what else?] respectively).

MCK: G'Morning. I want to restring my beads.

(Of course that sounds pompous and rude; it should have been a more courteous "I would like to have my beads restrung, please." But imagine what kind of headache 'restrung' would have brought. As it were, MCK was already in for an interesting exchange with just plain 'string'... but MCK's well ahead of herself..)

Amoi: Aa'ah..?

MCK: I was here yesterday and spoke to an older woman. I told her I have a pearl necklace that I would like to restring into a bracelet, and she said to bring it on. So I have it with me today."

Amoi: "You mau aper...?"

MCK: "You tak paham itu English ka? Kalau saya cakap BM you tau ka? Ini saya ada satu necklace pearl punya, saya beli di Beijing. Tapi saya pakai tudung tak guna ada necklace, so saya mau buat bracelet. Sekarang you paham?"

Amoi: "Hor, hor, tapi saya tatau you mau aper. You tak suker ini design ker? Mau tukar aaa?"

MCK: [With a BIG sigh]..."Itu perempuan sikit tua semalam siapa? Saya ingat saya tunggu dialah lagi senang."

Amoi: "Itu boss hor. Dia nanti petang ader. You datang laterla haaa."

MCK: "Okay, thank you" (and took her leave double-quick before angin puspus arrived).

NOTE: What on earth did these people learn in school for (at least) 11 years when each of those years involved English as a core subject?

Makcik's Freebie Shoes..

Makcik Kama had a run-in with a couple of salesgirls today and found, much to her delight, that there was still some spunk left in that tired, old body of hers.

This is what Makcik Kama thinks: people who work in shoe stores should never open their mouth willy-nilly, lest they find a shoe or two shoved into it.

That was precisely what happened today (err, sort of), when Makcik Kama dug her heels in. Those girls stood no chance at all, for 'Bigfoot' Makcik Kama (size 11 and counting) left them quaking in their pretty size-6 sandals.

It's been a while since Makcik Kama sparred with tradespeople. She was no troublemaker, believe me; just a quirky (you are allowed 'cantankerous', 'daft' or even 'barmy') old lady who had never brooked any nonsense from anybody before and was not about to now.

And it all started innocently enough. Last week Makcik Kama's journalist daughter gave her two promotional vouchers from a well-known local brand with stores all over the country.

The vouchers were presented to journalists as event favours for covering the official opening, last week, of the company's latest outlet somewhere in the city.

One voucher was good for any pair of shoes, redeemable for free. The other was a discount voucher offering 30% off the shelf price. A commendable gimmick for some instant publicity; unfortunately one marred by inefficient execution, as Makcik Kama was to learn later.

The daughter didn't quite take to this brand (a tad old-fashioned, said she), and so gave the vouchers to Mum, well knowing it was Mum's favourite make (because it was one of the few in town to carry ample sizes).

As it were, paddlefoot Makcik Kama always rued shopping for shoes. She hated having to pop her head into a shoe store with that oh-so-predictable question: "What's the biggest size you carry?"

Whilst the designs of this particular brand were none too elaborate (definitely miles apart compared to Jimmy Choo's and the rest of the best), its solid leather court shoes, slippers and sandals in shades of grey, brown and black, were definitely to Makcik Kama's uncomplicated (bland?) taste.

So off went Makcik to Ampang Park, accompanied by a visibly bored Pakcik, who got roped in as her driver for the morning. No way was she going to brave Kuala Lumpur's downtown traffic by herself.

As Makcik went imelda-marcosing within, Pakcik sat behind the wheels of his ancient Merc, rolling his cigarette (Old Holborn/ Golden Virginia tobacco, ZigZag rolling paper), just like a true-blue supir.

In the store, Makcik Kama found herself facing an unexpected battle, after spending time picking, trying and deciding on the right shoes.

As she presented her vouchers for the two pairs that she had chosen, the cashier shook her head (a tad imperiously, Makcik Kama thought) and said: "We cannot accept these vouchers because we have not been informed about them."

Makcik Kama could feel her angin rising. Her face felt hot to the touch. Looking at the cashier squarely in the eye, she asked flatly: "Are you telling me that you are not going to honour your own vouchers?"

Back came this response: "Kak, we really don't know anything about this promotion. Recently we had others coming in with similar vouchers and had declined them too." She didn't have the courage to meet Makcik's steady and steely gaze, though.

That was when the stubborn mule in Makcik Kama broke free. "Let me tell you something. That's not my problem but I am not leaving this store until I get my free pair and my 30% discounted pair. You go figure what you want to do."

Plonking herself in a nearby chair, Makcik Kama waited, lips pursed, handbag primly on her lap. About the only thing absent was the rapping of her knuckles. Makcik Kama was determined to see this through.

Sensing that the old woman really meant business, the cashier summoned her colleagues. Everybody got antsy. A flurry of activities followed. There were calls made; the vouchers were faxed to someone somewhere.

More calls, on the office phone and cellphone. An oldish guy (perhaps the manager/supervisor) also got into the act, scrutinising the vouchers (and the words thereon) as though they were some valuable documents.

Ten minutes passed. More huddles. More whisperings. Oldish Guy spoke on the cellphone, again. In Chinese this time (it was in English previously). The girls spoke Malay throughout. A "1Malaysia Moment" it was in that shoe store.

Makcik Kama observed with much amusement, her eyes resting on the two pairs of sandals left unattended on the floor. They had begun to look pathetic (the sandals I mean, although the girls themselves looked none the better in comparison).

Fifteen minutes later, Oldish Guy came around and said, somewhat sheepishly: "It's okay now. We have sorted everything out. Just pay RM80 for the discounted second pair; the first is free."

As Makcik Kama walked out two pairs of shoes richer, she thought she could hear a collective heave of relief emanating from within the confines of the cashier desk...

Awang & Lillie (again!)

Arrrrhhhhh....... nothing beats stretching out on Mom's bed..!

Sobering Thoughts At A Wedding

Nabilah & Adnan

Bride and groom flanked by the bride's maternal grandfather Pak Lang Ahmad (left) and guest-of-honour Tun Rahah, MiL's long-time family friend (right). Seated next to Tun Rahah is the bride's paternal grandmother and my erstwhile MiL, Puan Sri Hjh Halimah Mohd Isa.

I saw him as I was tucking in the delicious spread at my niece Nabilah's wedding reception yesterday. Tall and erect, he was seated at the table adjoining ours, quietly observing the crowd.

I was drawn to his black, highly polished patent leather shoes. They sparkled and shone like a beacon and spoke of high discipline. And they brought back memories of long ago. My heart suddenly ached.

The wearer looked kind of familiar, despite the years etched on his face. Reed-thin, eyes somewhat squinty, he must be in his 80s. There was a slight tremor in his hands as he gestured in an unsteady voice.

I tried hard to recall that face for I knew this man wasn't a stranger. Then one of the uncles spoke, nudging me towards the old man: "Don't you remember him, May? That's Pakcik Omar."

Indeed he was! At the mention of his name, I put down my cutlery, eased out of my chair and went over to where he sat.

As though on cue, he stood up and graciously took my outstretched hands. "What a pleasant surprise, Pakcik Omar!" I exclaimed, holding his hands tightly.

It has been 36 years since we last met and I knew he couldn't figure me out. It was when I introduced myself that his lips quivered and those eyes began to brim.

He asked about the ex, the eldest son of his former boss. I didn't have the heart to tell him that we got ourselves uncoupled a quarter of a century ago, after 14 years of marriage.

Pakcik Omar cheated death and lived to tell the tale. Sarjan Omar (as he was then), was my late father-in-law's police-designated chauffeur and was behind the wheels when Bapak was assassinated.

They had just left the IGP's official residence in Jalan Kia Peng, and were travelling along the narrow Lorong Raja Chulan stretch in mid-town Kuala Lumpur, when two gunmen sprayed bullets into the car.

Bapak died almost instantaneously, 11 bullet holes riddling his body. Pakcik Omar took a nick in the neck and hand but managed to open the driver's door and crawled out.

The cold-blooded murder of the Inspector-General of Police, Tan Sri Hj Abdul Rahman bin Hj Hashim in 1974 shocked the country. Today, 37 years on, there is still no closure in sight.

Seeing Pakcik Omar yesterday brought back the painful memories of Bapak's sudden passing. If Bapak were still alive, he would be 87 today, and Wan (Grandpa) to some 30 grandchildren and more than a dozen great-grandchildren.

On the occassion of Nabilah's wedding, my thoughts went to Bapak, who never had the opportunity of knowing his many cucus and cicits, save for a grandson (now 40) who was three when he died ...............

Congratulations Naya!

This sweet-faced young lady is Iis Sahanaya Yanto, the adopted daughter of my one-time sister-in-law, Datin Sofwanah Rahman [story here]. Naya excelled in her recent SPM, scoring 8As and 2Bs. Way to go, girl! We are mighty proud of you!

Daiso.... Hinode..... Hait!

The five onyx pieces in the front row - two decorative plates, two tealight holders and an ashtray - were purchased from Hinode at RM5 apiece.



Toothpaste tube squeezer from Daiso. Just how did I live without this squeezer before, especially when squeezing a toothpaste tube needs such herculean effort? Oh, I shudder to think how deprived I was.. :-D



These colourful ceramic vases from Hinode make handy containers for kitchen utensils. It's ironic that the total cost of all ten vases is less than the cost of the solitary steel shelf.



Foldable shelf from Daiso (one of many in my house); a real space-saver.

Lillie and Awang's ceramic food bowls, from Daiso. The cost of the water bowl, purchased from a pet shop, is more than the cost of the food bowls combined.



Daiso. Hinode. Recognise those names?

If you are an avid shopper, or a window-shopping 'kaki' like me who traipse around shopping complexes daily under the guise of (walking) exercise, you probably would.

Daiso and Hinode are the names of what is known as the "RM5 Shop" where every item within is tagged at RM5. The ones I frequent are located at the opposite ends of One Utama Shopping Centre (new wing).

I admit to being weak-kneed (not to mention weak-willed) each time Daiso and Hinode come into view. I must step in somehow, if only to check if there's anything new on the shelves. [Macam tau-tau, there always is..]

Of course it goes without saying that I always end up buying a thing or two, regardless whether there is a real need for it or not. [Does anyone really NEED a toothpaste tube squeezer? I rest my case].

Even worse is the desperate inner battle to convince myself that we DO need another potato peeler, or garlic crusher, or fish scaler, for this hardly berasap kitchen of mine. [Well, it's not my fault they come in such attractive colours!].

"Pathetic" couldn't even begin to describe moi... (sigh..)

Fly Away Zack!

The five sisters. (Front from left) - Ana, Ani, Izah. (Back) - Idah and Kama. (Not in picture) - Liza (residing in the US for the last 20 years). Thank God we have managed to age gracefully..

(From left) - Ana, Idah, Izah, Kama. Ana lectures in UiTM, Idah manages a unit trust fund portfolio, Izah is a retired counselor while Kama is in public relations.

The happy couple - Zack & Zetty.

Father & son - Hisham (left) & Zack (right).

My sister Idah, whom I rarely see these days since she moved far across town last year - from Taman Tun Dr Ismail in KL to Kayangan Heights in Shah Alam - spent the recent Saturday afternoon with yours truly, reminiscing about the twists and turns in our respective lives.

Idah looks set to become a more constant feature in my life once again now that her son Zack has finally untied the apron strings by returning to Taman Tun to raise his two young ones on his own with wife Zetty.

I'm glad Zack had chosen to return to the neighbourhood he grew up in. He went to school here and still has lots of friends living in the vicinity. And I'm just a holler away, so to speak.

Zack's a pilot with Air Asia, so he's away a lot. But with all of us nearby and his children's 'Popo' (that's Idah, who simply refuses to be called 'Opah') hovering anxiously (I guess that's what grandkids do to you), Zack can rest easy.

Idah and I share a lot of similarities in our respective lives. We both were, once upon a time, divorcees raising our kids single-handedly; she has a son and a daughter (Emy) while I have two of each.

We both struggled with our respective businesses in the early years - me in public relations, she in unit trust. Mine unfortunately went under with the 1997 financial crash, but she had managed to keep afloat.

Today I can afford to take it easy, syukur alhamdulillah, although I still do the odd copywriting and translation work to keep the mind alert. The days of real struggle to put food on the table and keep the kids in college are but history.

Idah too has fared well. All her hard work has borne fruit; she now manages a multi-million ringgit portfolio, lives well and travels often. And she deserves every luxury that comes her way.

Her ex, Zack's father, is a former RMAF fighter pilot now flying commercially. It's thus no surprise the son takes after the father. They are both serving the same airline; it's wonderful to see them standing side by side, looking smart in their uniform.

We seem to breed pilots. Besides Zack and his dad Hisham, my sister Ani is also married to one. Ex-RMAF chopper flier Mohd Som (we call him Atan) transports oilmen to and from offshore platforms.

Their son Atari and son-in-law Feisal also fly together with Zack. In addition, three uncles are flying with the national carrier.

I learn a thing or two about pilots. One, they are away most times and two, they earn a helluva lot. I can't say more because I don't know much about the job although I certainly understand the demands and risks involved.

All my life, I have always considered flying an aircraft, commercially or otherwise, a glamorous enough vocation. And they look so 'segak' in their starched white shirt and their perky pilot cap.

Zack recently got promoted to Flight Captain. This young man, who once served behind the counter at Taman Tun's Secret Recipe while waiting for his SPM results, is today a proud husband, to Zetty Safinaz, and doting father, to Qadri & Zuhra.

When he was in his late teens, Zack and his sister Emy bunked in my house for a while when their mother temporarily shifted the base of her unit trust business to Terengganu. He bowled me over with his courtesy and quiet demeanour.

I have never forgotten the lean times when his mum and I shared whatever little cash we had to put food on the table. Back then, a hundred ringgit really went a long way. It's a marvel how we managed to stretch it even further.

How could we ever forget the endless fried rice meals we fed our kids day in day out because we couldn't afford anything else. Until today I still feel a lump in my throat each time I cook fried rice.

All things considered, God is, and has always been, very kind. He teaches us a valuable lesson we are not likely to forget until the day we breathe our last, that 'patience has its virtues'.

To Zack, congratulations upon your promotion. We wish you success in your chosen career. One word of advice from this old cantankerous aunt of yours: Remember Him and thank Him always...

Oy! Oy!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.): To give up all hopes of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.

Negligent (adj.): Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@&@

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer....

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that’s good for you.

Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature (and my personal favourite!):
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.

Hadith Pilihan

Bacalah Al-Quran

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) bersabda: "Bila seseorang lelaki itu mati dan saudaranya sibuk dengan pengebumiannya, berdiri lelaki yang amat kacak di bahagian kepalanya.

Dan bila mayatnya dikapan, lelaki itu berada di antara kain kapan dan si mati. Selepas pengebumian dan semua orang pulang ke rumah, datanglah dua malaikat Mungkar dan Nangkir.

Mereka cuba memisahkan lelaki kacak ini supaya mereka boleh menyoal lelaki yang telah meninggal itu seorang diri mengenai ketaatannya kepada Allah.

Tapi lelaki kacak itu berkata, "Dia adalah temanku, dia adalah kawanku. Aku takkan meninggalkannya seorang diri walau apa pun.

"Jika kamu ditetapkan untuk menyoal, lakukanlah tugasmu. Aku tidak boleh meninggalkannya sehingga aku dapati dia dimasukkan ke dalam Syurga."

Selepas itu dia berpaling pada temannya yang meninggal dan berkata, "Aku adalah Al-Quran, yang mana kamu membacanya, kadang-kadang dengan suara yang nyaring dan kadang-kadang dengan suara yang perlahan. Jangan bimbang. Selepas soal siasat dari Mungkar dan Nangkir, kamu tidak akan bersedih."

Selepas soal siasat selesai, lelaki kacak mengatur untuknya daripada Al-Mala'ul A'laa (malaikat dalam Syurga) tempat tidur dari sutera yang dipenuhi bauan kesturi.

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) bersabda: "Di hari pengadilan, di hadapan Allah, tiada syafaat yang lebih baik darjatnya daripada Quran, mahupun dari nabi atau malaikat."


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Solat Subuh di Masjid

Seorang pemuda bangun di pagi yang hening untuk bersolat subuh di masjid. Dia berpakaian, berwudhu dan berjalan menuju masjid. Setelah hampir tiba, dia terjatuh dan pakaiannya kotor.

Lantas dia bangkit dan pulang ke rumah menggantikan baju, berwudhu dan berjalan kembali menuju masjid. Dalam perjalanan kembali ini dia jatuh lagi di tempat yg sama!

Sekali lagi dia bangkit, kembali ke rumah menggantikan baju, berwudhu dan berjalan menuju masjid. Di tengah jalan dia bertemu seorang lelaki yg memegang lampu.

Apabila ditanya siapa beliau, si pemegang lampu menjawab: "Saya melihat anda jatuh dua kali di perjalanan menuju masjid, jadi saya bawakan lampu untuk menerangi jalan anda."

Pemuda pertama mengucapkan terima kasih dan mereka berdua berjalan ke masjid. Setelah tiba, pemuda tersebut mengajak lelaki pembawa lampu untuk bersolat subuh bersamanya, tetapi lelaki itu menolak.

Pemuda itu mengajak lagi, dan ditolak lagi ajakan itu. Lantas pemuda itu bertanya kenapa menolak untuk masuk dan solat. Maka lelaki tersebut menjawab: "Aku adalah Iblis."

Pemuda itu amat terkejut dengan jawapan lelaki itu. Iblis kemudian menjelaskan: "Aku melihat kamu berjalan ke masjid, lantas aku buat kamu terjatuh. Ketika kamu pulang ke rumah membersihkan badan dan kembali ke masjid, Allah memaafkan semua dosa mu.

"Aku membuatmu jatuh kedua kalinya, tetapi itupun tidak membuatmu merubah fikiran untuk tinggal di rumah. Kamu tetap memutuskan kembali masjid. Kerana itu Allah memaafkan semua dosa seluruh anggota keluarga mu.

"Aku khuatir jika aku membuat kamu jatuh buat kali ketiga, Allah akan memaafkan dosa-dosa seluruh penduduk desa mu, jadi aku harus memastikan supaya kamu sampai di masjid dengan selamat."

Kesimpulan

Jangan biarkan Syaitan mendapatkan keuntungan dari setiap aksinya. Jangan melepaskan sebuah niat baik yang hendak kamu lakukan, karena kamu tidak tahu ganjaran yang akan kamu dapat dari segala kesulitan yang kamu temui dalam usahamu untuk melaksanakan niat baik tersebut.

Mini Tazkirah - Renungan Jumaat

[Petikan daripada himpunan ceramah Ustaz Dato' Ismail Kamus]

Puasa sunat vs kenduri
Selalunya ketika kita sedang berpuasa sunat, apabila ada orang ajak makan kenduri, kita akan menolak dengan alasan kita sedang berpuasa. Sayang sangat nak bukak puasa; kononnya nak dapat pahala puasa penuh.

Sebenarnya, kalau dalam keadaan macam ni, adalah lebih utama untuk kita bukak puasa dan pergi kenduri tersebut, kerana memperkenankan jemputan itu adalah lebih utama daripada kita meneruskan puasa sunat tersebut. Bukak puasa pun boleh dapat pahala lebih, takkan tak nak?

Islam itu syumul
Ramai yang menganggap Islam ini hanya pada ibadat sahaja; hukum solat, puasa, haji dijaga sepenuhnya. Tetapi hukum2 yang lain langsung tak mau ikut cara Islam, contohnya bab riba, rasuah, dan sebagainya. Ingatlah, Islam itu syumul (menyeluruh).

Bertarhim
Sesetengah masjid suka bertarhim (baca ayat al-Quran sebelum azan Subuh) dan dilaungkan kuat2 speaker tu sampai satu kampung dengar, kadang2 sejam atau setengah jam sebelum azan, dah bunyi dah. HARAM hukumnya kerana mengganggu orang tidur!

Kena ambilkira orang di sekeliling tu mungkin ada orang tua, kanak2 baru lahir, orang sakit, orang yang tidur semula selepas bangun tahajjud dan sebagainya. Buat apa nak kacau mereka tidur?

Yang disyariatkan dalam agama adalah azan Subuh sahaja. Kalau nak baca al-Quran pun baca sorang2 cukup. Tak payah bagi sekampung dengar. Rasa2 macam dapat pahala, rupa2nya dapat bala.

Sebenarnya kalau kita sedang baca al-Quran sorang2, tiba2 kawan sebelah kita tertidur, kita kena berhenti membaca al-Quran sebab menghormati orang yang sedang tidur itu. Inikan pulak sekampung..

Kalau nak bertarhim kuat2 pun, agak2 dalam 10 minit atau 5 minit sebelum azan tu cukuplah, tak payah lama2. Sempat la orang nak bangun bersiap2 untuk ke masjid. Kalau ada AJK masjid yg baca ni, sila ambil perhatian.

Makan/tidur vs solat
Apabila kita hendak sembahyang, tiba2 hidangan makanan dah disediakan, makanlah dulu. Ini kerana bimbang kita tak khusyuk dalam sembahyang nanti. Begitu juga jika kita terlalu mengantuk, tidurlah dulu baru sembahyang, tapi dengan syarat masih di awal waktu lah.

Takbiratul ihram
Sesetengah orang menghadapi masalah ketika hendak bertakbiratul ihram. Kadang2 angkat takbir berulang-ulang kali tapi masih tak masuk niat jugak.

Itu cumalah gangguan syaitan sahaja. Memang ada syaitan yang tugasnya khas hanya untuk mengacau orang yang sedang bertakbiratul iham. Pedulikan bisikan syaitan itu, yakin dengan diri sendiri.

Berkenaan dengan niat pula; niat itu bukannya dibaca dalam hati, tapi hanya lintasan dalam hati sahaja. Jika dibaca, itu yang menyebabkan susah nak masuk sebab panjang sangat nak dibaca.

Apa yang dikhuatiri adalah berikut: Jika anda sudah bertakbiratul ihram kali pertama dan andainya ia sudah sah disisi Allah, tapi kemudian anda ragu2 lantas anda turun semula dan takbir untuk kali kedua, takbir kali kedua itu akan menyebabkan solat anda menerusi takbir pertama tadi terbatal.

Dan jika anda meneruskan solat dengan takbir kedua itu, bermakna anda meneruskan solat dalam keadaan solat yang terbatal, melainkan anda melakukan takbir kali ketiga. Jadi kesimpulannya, tegaskan hati ketika takbir, seelok-eloknya dapat pada takbir pertama dan jangan peduli dengan bisikan syaitan..

Hamdan?
Terdapat segelintir imam yang apabila berdoa selepas solat memulakan doa dengan “Hamdan hamidin“, “Hamdan zakirin“ atau “Hamdansyakirin“.. Bunyinya memang sedap, tapi dari segi nahu Bahasa Arabnya salah.

Ini kerana terdapatnya huruf Alif Lam pada perkataan kedua di setiap bacaan tersebut. Jadi yang sebetulnya harus disebut begini: “Hamdal-hamidin“, “Hamdaz-zakirin” dan ” Hamdasy-syakirin“. (p/s: huruf z adalahhuruf zal).

Betulkan cara solat
Menurut mazhab Shafie, mesti terdapat 7 anggota yg menyentuh tanah ketika kita sedang sujud iaitu dahi, kedua2 tapak tangan, kedua2 lutut, dan kedua2 PERUT ibu jari kaki (hidung sunat sahaja).

Yang nak ditekankan di sini adalah berkenaan perut ibu jari kaki, bermakna ibu jari kaki mestilah dilentikkan ketika sujud barulah perutnya boleh mencecah tanah. Terdapat ramai orang yang kakinya menegak sahaja tanpa dilentikkan ketika sujud. Tak sah solat kalau macam tu.

Lagi satu yang selalu perhatikan, ketika sujud sebelum tahyat akhir, ada yang dah standby siap2 silangkan kaki seperti tak sabar2 hendak duduk tahyat akhir. Itu pun tak sah juga solatnya. Berjaga2, jangan disebabkan hal yang kita anggap remeh macam ini menyebabkan solat kita tak diterima oleh Allah.

Hantar kuih ke rumah jiran
Di bulan puasa, orang kita rajin menghantar kuih2 atau juadah2 ke rumah jiran. Memang bagus sekali, tapi silapnya di mana? Orang kita selalu mengharapkan dibalas juadah tadi. Itulah silapnya. Niat dah lari. Kalau menghantar kuih-muih ke jiran sebelah, niatlah kerana Allah. Jangan mengharapkan dibalas. Kalau dibalas itu rezeki lah.

Ringkaskan jika perlu
Apabila kita bersolat di tempat yang ruangnya terhad tapi ramai orang, contohnya di surau R&R, dalam kapal terbang, dan sebagainya, sesudah kita solat, terus ajelah bangun untuk bagi ruang kepada orang lain untuk solat.

Tak payah nak berwirid la, doa panjang2 la, sembahyang sunat ba’diah la; sebab lebih utama untuk kita bagi orang lain peluang bersolat, menunaikan perkara wajib berbanding kita nak buat perkara2 sunat. Lebih2 lagi kalau waktu maghrib, sebab waktunya pendek. Kat R&R ramai orang macam ni.

Naik haji
Menunaikan haji sememangnya adalah rukun bagi kita, tetapi kita kena pandai menyusun keutamaan. Contohnya jika kita dah cukup duit nak pergi haji tahun ni, tiba2 ada saudara kita yang jatuh sakit memerlukan kos perubatan yang tinggi, kita kena tangguhkan dulu pergi haji tu. Guna duit tu untuk bantu saudara kita. Itu yang dituntut dalam Islam.

Solat sunat vs tetamu
Jika kita hendak sembahyang sunat, tiba2 ada tetamu datang bertandang, kita kena tangguhkan sembahyang tu dan pergi layan tetamu dulu. Itu yang lebih utama. Contohnya; apabila selesai solat zohor, kita hendak solat ba’diah tiba2 ada tetamu datang. Tangguhkan solat ba’diah tu dan pergi layan tetamu dulu. Selepas dah selesai baru buat solat ba’diah.

Dan jika dah tak sempat, solat ba’diah zohor boleh diqada selepas solat asar, walaupun selepas asar dah tak boleh solat sunat lagi. Tetapi jika untuk qada solat ba’diah zohor boleh, kerana ini pernah dibuat sendiri oleh Nabi Muhammad (saw). Tapi itu pun jika ada hal yang tak dapat dielakkan. Kalau saja2 nak qada tak boleh.

Kesimpulan
Sebagai kesimpulan, kita hendaklah pandai menyusun keutamaan dalam beribadat. Dahulukan yang lebih utama. Jika kita gagal berbuat demikian boleh menyebabkan ibadat kita sia2 sahaja, malah sesetengahnya boleh mengakibatkan dosa pula. Renungkanlah..

Smile..!

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still-shaking driver said, "I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I had been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

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Fred and Mabel were both patients in a mental hospital. One day as they both walked beside the swimming pool, Mabel jumped into the deep end and sank to the bottom.

Without a thought for his own safety, Fred jumped in after her, brought her to the surface, hauled her out, gave her the kiss of life and saved her.

The next day happened to be Fred’s annual review. He was brought before the hospital board, where the director told him, “Fred, I have some good news and some bad news.

"The good news is that in the light of your heroic act yesterday, we consider that you are sane and can be released from the hospital and be back into society.

"The bad news is, I’m afraid Mabel, the patient you saved, shortly afterwards hung herself on the bathroom door with the belt from her bathrobe. I’m sorry but she’s dead.”

“She didn’t hang herself,” Fred replied, “I put her there to dry.”

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Grandma and grandpa were watching a religious healing programme on television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the television and the other on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma hobbled to the television and put one hand on the TV set and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set, put one hand on the television and the other on his crotch.

Grandma looked at him with disgust: “you just don’t understand, you old fart. The purpose of this program is to heal the SICK, not raise the DEAD.”

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The Madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

“May I help you?” she asked. I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam. “No. I must see Valerie,” was the man’s reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled ten one-hundred dollar bills out, gave them to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row–too expensive–and that there were no discounts.

The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled the money out, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night, the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man.

“No one had ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?” she asked. The man replied, “South Carolina.” “Really,” she said. “I have family in South Carolina.”

“I know,” the man said. “Your father died and I am your sister’s attorney. She had asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance.”

The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by your attorney

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Host: ”Ah Lian, you’ve done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend. Are you ready for the million-dollar question? The next question will give you the top prize of one million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong, you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”

Ah Lian: “Sure, I want to go!”

“Which of the following bird does not build its own nest? Is it……..
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Ah Lian, it is worth one million dollars!”

“I think I know, but not really leh! No, I dunno. I want to phone a friend, want to make sure.

“Yes, who, Ah Lian, do you want to phone?"

“I’ll phone my friend Ah Huey.”

(Ringing) Ah Huey: “Hello…”

“Hello Ah Huey, it’s Mr Bush from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Ah Lian here and she is doing really well with $500,000, but needs your help to be a millionaire. The next voice you hear will be Ah Lian’s and she’ll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer. Fire away Ah Lian!”

“Very hard one ahh, which one of the following bird does not build its own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush”

“Aiyah, Ah Lian, this one easy lah! It’s a Cuckoo.”
“You sure or not?”
“Belly sure.”
“Thanks Ah Huey.” (hangs up)

“Well, do you want to stick to $500,000 or play on for the million?”
“I want to play, I’ll go with C; Cuckoo bird.”
“Is that your final answer?”
“It is.”
“Are you confident?”
“Yes Ah Huey very choon one.”

“Ah Lian, you have $500,000 and you said C; Cuckoo. You’re right! You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your cheque. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Ah Lian.” (clap clap clap).

That night Ah Lian calls on Ah Huey and takes him out for a celebration drink. As they sip their champagne, Ah Lian turns to Ah Huey and asks “Tell me Ah Huey, how in Tua Pek Kong’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Ah Huey: “You dunno meh? Everybody knows that a cuckoo lives in a clock!”

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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.”

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for this kind of contest. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

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A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replied, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.” Husband said, “I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….'HEBREWS.'

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